Starting Over
by freedomnova
Summary: 6 years ago Brian left everyone he knows to find himself. 6 years later no one had heard from him. Justin thinks Brian moved on, his friends have gotten used to the idea he found a new life. No one knows where he is or what he has been doing. Justin fears what happened to him, but doesn't know where to start looking.
1. Chapter 1

**AN-Little note, for this story to work Brian never had cancer. Other then that it takes place post season five.**

* * *

He couldn't get the image out of his mind it was never a full image and often came to him when he was sleeping, but he could remember blonde hair and a smile a smile that made him smile. It was warm an inviting it was, home.

And the most beautiful blue grey eyes he had ever seen. It was almost like an image that would haunt him both day and night. The look in the eyes seemed to be pleading, begging, but for what he didn't know.

He sighed and rolled over in his bed glancing next to him he frowned, Alex wasn't there. That didn't matter often he tossed and turned to much and Alex would get up and start cleaning the house or doing some other chore that hadn't been done that day.

He looked up at the ceiling thinking of Alex's eyes they were born, Alex's hair was brown there was no hint of blonde anywhere. He loved Alex with all his heart, but the image of blonde hair and blue grey eyes wouldn't stop playing in his mind. And Alex had a beautiful smile, but it wasn't the lips he dreamt about.

"Daddy!" a child's voice called as the sun began peaking in through the window. He groaned and knew he would have to get up soon.

"No rest for the wicked." Alex's voice sounded from the door as a child's footsteps could be heard running to Brian's bed. The child jumped up onto his father.

Brian laughed as the kid jumped into his arms, "No sleeping in?" he asked.

The child grinned, "You said you'd take me to the club today."

"I did, did I?" he asked

"You did." He nodded

"It's all he's been talking about." Alex said walking over to the bed and lying down next to Brian planting a kiss on his lips. "Go get dress hun." Alex told the boy. The child hurried from the bed and out of the room excited for a day with his father. Then Alex brushed some hair out of Brian's face and put a soft smile, "You were tossing and turning all night."

"Sorry." He muttered

"No need to be sorry, I just wanted to see if you were alright."

"I'm fine, I promise." Brian replied kissing Alex as he grinned and glanced down placing his hand on Alex's stomach, "How did I get so lucky to have a beautiful wife like you, with a beautiful son and a daughter on the way?"

Alex grinned, "Some guys have all the luck." She leaned down and kissed him and he pulled her down on top of him she let out a squeal as her husband surprised her.

* * *

Brian smirked as he watch his five year old son try and grip the golf club trying to learn how to play golf. The child swung, and missed. Brian chuckled and walked over, "Like this." He showed the boy how to stand and helped him swing, the ball didn't go very far, but it still wasn't a miss. The boy smiled,

"I did it daddy!" the child jumped up and down, "I did it."

"Mr. Kinney." A males voice said as a golf cart pulled up, "I didn't know you were coming to the club today."

Brian turned to look at the new comer, one of his business associated. "Just teaching my son some golf."

The other man began talking, but his attention changed from the two on the golf cart to a guy in the background helping a couple with their clubs. The other man has his back turned, but he had blonde hair playfully being tossed around in the breeze. His heart seemed to beat faster. He couldn't understand what he was feeling, he couldn't understand why he felt this way or even why he couldn't take his eyes off the back on the blonde male.

"Daddy!" Tristan's voice broke through his thoughts. "I got it in."

The blonde turned around and for some reason Brian's heart sank. The male had blonde hair, but not those beautiful blue grey eyes or even the lips. He didn't even understand why he would be disappointed that a guy wasn't the image in his mind that wouldn't stop his heart from racing quickly.

"You did." He grinned as he picked his boy up, he turned away from the blonde male and looked at the others, "I'll see you boys in the office, I promised the day to my boy."

The other men nodded with smiles and drove off to their next hole. Brian put Tristan down in their own golf cart and drove off with the child laughing next to him.

* * *

"I still can't believe he just walked away from this." Emmet said as he let himself fall down onto the sofa in the loft.

Justin shrugged, "He wanted to go find himself again." He sighed, "Brian wasn't meant to be tied down we knew that and called off the wedding."

"Still I thought you'd be the only one running away to a new city not him." Ted said chiming in.

Justin shrugged, "You know him he does his own thing." He remembered the last time seeing Brian, remembering his ex partner still stung at times. He had thought when they said good-bye it wouldn't be a good bye forever but a see you later. They had stayed in contact for a few months, but now six years later they hadn't spoken much. Justin hadn't come home until now six years after he left. He was now a successful artist like he had always dreamed about, minus Brian by his side. "Anyways my mother told me when he moved he took his name off the deed of this place and put my name on it." His sighed, "He was never planning on coming back."

"But knew you would." Emmet sighed.

Justin shrugged again, "It doesn't matter I have a boyfriend now, and we are serious." He glanced at a picture on the wall, it was of himself smiling and Brian's arms wrapped around him. Justin was smiling and Brian, well Brain was smirking.

"So Linz hasn't even heard from him?" Justin asked, "Not one word in six years?"

"No before he left she said he came to her and said good bye to Gus and that he needed time to figure out who he was, that was the last time anyone has heard from him, even Mikey."

"I just want to know if he's alright." Justin said softly fearing the worst. He knew Brian was the type that would suffer alone, what if he was sick? What if he was sick and didn't want to seem like a burden on those around him? What if he went away to die? He shook the thoughts from his head hating himself for waiting so long to come home. He shouldn't have gotten mad when Brian stopped contacting him, he should have gotten worried, but no he had gotten insulted and hurt and tried to forget Brian.

* * *

Brian put his hand on his head as he put a pill in his mouth and drank some water to wash it down.

"Head bothering you again?" Alex asked worried as she placed her hand on her belly it was just starting to show a baby bump.

Brian gave her a soft smile; "You know I get them ever since the accident."

She walked over and put her hand on his shoulder and rested her chin on him hugging him from behind. "Maybe you should just go get it checked out."

As her hand wrapped around his waist it felt s soft pain in his head, he closed his eyes and in that moment for just a quick second he saw a flash of blonde hair smelled cologne different from his own. He shook his head, as the pain became a light thud in his head, "I'm fine." He turned around in her arms so he was facing her had kissed her. "Promise."

She smiled, but still showed a hint of worry, "By the way your mother is coming for dinner."

"Dear old mother." He smirked it had been a while since they had last seen her, she only visited every couple months since she had married Alex and had Tristan. She always seemed so happy when she visited and often spoke about how god was happy because his soul was saved. Half the time he didn't listen to his mother when she rambled about god, he only assumed she was happy he had married and finally started a family. Apparently his sister had started a long time ago and she was younger then him.

He didn't remember anything from before his accident. He woke up in a hospital to his mother sitting by his bedside; those days were still hard for him to recall the doctors said he had brain trauma and that his memories would possibly come back in time, but there was a possibility they never would.

They hadn't not in the past six years, but his mother had helped him through the whole thing, let him know his was living a sinful life of being a playboy brining to many girls home at night, but never a good girl. He couldn't remember anything his mother told him it all felt like she was talking about some other person, but while he was recovering he met Alex and he was drawn to her in the end they fell in love got married and had their son and now another on the way.

He had the perfect life, he was happy. Most of the time. He still wished he could remember his past he still wished he could remember everything he forgot. It seemed he had no friends from before the accident, he wondered what that meant of his previous life. He was happy with his wife she was beautiful the type of woman every guy wanted, but deep down he couldn't understand why something felt off something didn't feel right.

"Daddy!" Tristan ran into the room, "I had so much fun today."

"That's good Gus." He smiled, but then frowned, "Tristan." Why had he said Gus?

"Are you sure you're alright?" Alex asked placing her hand on his forehead.

"I'm just going to lie down for a bit before mother gets here." Brian sighed taking her hand slowly off his head.

"Alright." She replied, "I'll finish dinner."

* * *

 **AN- So what do you guys think, review and let me know what you think. I'm new to this fandom so if parts don't line up correctly or a detail gets switched around that is why.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN- Here is another chapter, review and let me know if you guys like it.**

* * *

Brian felt like he had looked at hundreds of cars, Alex still seemed like a kid in a candy story as she looked at one mini van after another that seemed exactly the same to him. His eyes scanned the show room passing over all the mini vans and SUVs then his eyes fell onto a jeep. He smirked it seemed to be the only car in the room that seemed different. He left his wife who was asking a hundred and ten questions to the sales rep about the current blue mini van.

His eyes scanned the jeep as he got close he looked inside the windows and couldn't keep the smile off his face this was everything he wanted in a car and just one glance told him so.

"Hun." Alex said walking up holding Tristan's hand, "What are you doing over here?"

"I see you have your eye on this one." The sales man walked up.

"Yes I see it comes fully loaded." Brian said walking around the jeep and opening the front door getting in. The man got in the passenger side.

"Only you don't want this one." The man told Brian as they got in. For a moment Brian just looked at the man as he got a moment as if he knew the words that were going to come out of the man's mouth. "I don't?" he asked confused.

"Fags drive it. No idea why, but they seem to be attracted to it." The man leaned in, "A nice couple like you want to be in something like that." The man pointed over to the mini van he was just trying to sell to Alex. Brian sighed it was true. He didn't need a sporty jeep what would he do with it? Drive to clubs and pick up girls? No he was a family man he shouldn't want something that wouldn't be good for kids. Right?

Something deep within him wanted to scream, wanted to tell him fuck what was practical and get what he wanted, but sense won out in the end. "I suppose you're right." He muttered as he began to grow a dislike for the other man, but he couldn't figure out why. And he also didn't know why the guys statement made his blood boil. He got out and glanced at Alex, "Just wanted to check it out."

"Yes but a car seat won't fit in the back, maybe if we were younger." She said clearly not impressed with the jeep.

Once again he felt something deep within him and seemed to hurt knowing she didn't like the jeep, after all he loved it.

"What do you think of this one?" she asked as she began walking to a mini van that looked like the blue one only it was red.

"What ever you like I like." He muttered. She didn't seem to notice his attitude change as she walked off with the salesman. He shook his head he didn't care what they got he wasn't even sure why he came he knew he was simply the guy that signed the check.

He walked outside into the fresh air and took a deep breath. Times like this he felt like he was suffocating. It felt like this mundane life just was too much for him to handle. He had gone to see a doctor once about this when Tristan was only a few weeks old when the responsibilities of being both a husband and a father and seemed like to much. His doctor said it was simply a panic attack and it could be from his accident. To take time and slowly it would go away, and in a way the doctor was right. He got used to the idea of being a father and a husband and only in very few moments like this one did he feel that familiar panic reaching him. He felt like he was drowning and nothing could pull him above the water. This was the worst it had been in a long time he began to pace and for some reason the thought of putting a cigarette in his mouth he knew it would help but he hadn't smoked in god knows when. He groaned as he leaned his head back on a wall trying to breath normal. He closed his eyes and tried to count in his head to calm himself down but he still felt like he was drowning.

He loosened his tie trying to see if it would help. He looked out at the crowed and his eyes fell onto a blonde. His heart began racing and in that moment he felt like he could breath again. The guy was laughing while talking to another he had beautiful blue grey eyes, and his smile seemed like it could make anyone smile. His breath hitched the guy began walking away. Brian couldn't let him leave.

He glanced inside and Alex was smiling while she talked she seemed busy. He looked back and the blonde was just about to make it around a building. Brian began walking through the crowed after the blonde he didn't know why he moved but his feet just took him forward.

As he made his way around the building he saw the blonde had stopped and now had his arms wrapped around another man's neck he could just hear the conversation now.

"Marry me." The tall dark man said.

The blonde looked up at the bigger man, "Are you sure you want this?"

"I want all of you all the time, I want you to be my husband I want to buy a house with a white picket fence, and I want children with you." The tall man said.

"There you are!" Alex's voice interrupted his eavesdropping. Brian looked over at her and Tristan her hand resting on her baby bump. She looked stunning in her yellow sundress looking the part of beautiful arm candy to the successful man. The perfect family.

With his panic attack over he just smirked his back to the two men. "Just going for a walk it was getting stuffy in there." He walked over and wrapped his warm around his wife and kissed her.

"Alright Sunny boy." He said leaning down and putting the boy on his shoulders. He then wrapped his arm around his wife and the three walked away back to buy their new mini van.

* * *

"Marriage." Justin said looking up at Liam his heart racing, this was all he ever dreamed of. Finding the right guy getting married living in a neighborhood having a family. He smiled in this moment he should be the happiest guy, he and Liam had been together for three years they both wanted the same things in life. Yet in this moment he didn't think of Liam like he should have because in that moment Brian Kinney flashed into his mind. His eyes glanced up for only a moment and his heart began to skip a beat, it was only a quick glance but in that moment he thought he actually saw Brian, but the man had already turned around, kissed a woman and put a child on his shoulders then wrapping his arm around the woman, that most certainly wasn't Brian. He glanced back at Liam and smiled, "I'd love to." But as he said yes there was a part of him screaming no.

* * *

"You've been so far away lately." Alex said as they lay in bed she leaned on her husband's chest and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Sorry just a lot on my mind lately." He said trying to reassure her. "Just a lot of work things."

"Promise?" she asked frowning, "It just feels like you're pulling away."

"Form you?" he grinned, "Who would ever pull away from a beautiful wife like you?"

"I'm not beautiful I'm fat." She sighed as she let herself fall down to her spot in bed.

"You aren't fat." He said as he rolled over and looked into her eyes. He was about to say more, but then the flash of pain hit him, it happened in a flash someone else was laying below him, someone else was smiling back at him. He lowered his head for a moment and let out a low moan, when he opened his eyes he saw Alex's alarmed face.

"Something isn't right you should see a doctor." She told him worried.

"I'm fine." Her muttered as he leaned back in bed, "I've already been to a doctor they say its nothing." He paused, "Just stress."

"Honey." She paused.

"Just stress." He told her more firmly. "Anyways we should get some rest, your sister's wedding tomorrow." He turned off the light ending the conversation.

* * *

"It's a beautiful wedding." Alex told her husband as she sat down next to him. He shrugged his shoulders a wedding was a wedding to him.

"I suppose." He told her as he shoveled more cake into his mouth. Alex laughed and used her thumb to clean off his lips.

"A hopeless romantic." She grinned.

He sighed he knew what she wanted and it wasn't sitting here eating any more cake. He took her by the hand, "Let's dance." He told her.

"You are perhaps the only husband here who actually enjoys dancing." She laughed as they walked out onto the dance floor. As they got out the fast song came to an end. He pulled his wife close to him she happily let him lead.

' _When I hear everybody say that old Clichy about the fish in the sea.'_

Together they glided across the dance floor as the old song began to play.

' _I'd just laugh because they have no clue how I feel for you.'_

Alex laughed throwing her head back slightly as he grinned watching her, it happened again those blue grey eyes came into view laughing in her place echoing every move she made. As quick as the image came it went and he was staring back at Alex who hadn't noticed the change in her husband she was still in the moment of the dance.

' _You're the one for me and when you doubt what's loves about baby, you know it's true.'_

They moved together knowing exactly each other's movement. People parted as they watched the happy couple envying what they had so happy after almost six years of marriage.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

Brian spun Alex watching as she spun, and again it happened he seemed to be removed from the room he was currently in and moved into another, people were watching him dance much like the very moment, but he was spinning someone else, blue grey eyes with blonde hair and the light shinning around his partner almost made him look like sunshine.

Once again the image left him and he saw his wife spin and he couldn't help but smile at her.

' _I'm still here I'm still standing by while you're wandering eyes look the other way.'_

She laughed as he wrapped her in his arms again brining her close after the spin. He wanted to be as happy as her in this very moment, but her smile seemed off he usually loved her smile, but right now he longed for another.

' _And to think just because you're cruel I'm a fool because I stayed.'_

He pushed the thoughts of being unhappy from his head as their eyes locked, he loved her he married her they were a family. He was simply feeling confused because of work. He smiled down at her as she looked to him.

' _But when you doubt what love's about baby you know it's true.'_

He spun her again as onlookers smiled at the happy couple who had now accidently out shinned the bride and groom.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

He continued to spin her as he walked around her grinning. It seemed as she spun the image changed from her smile to the one he couldn't forget, her long brown hair flashed to short blonde hair.

' _Cause right from the start I knew in my heart. That we were meant to be.'_

Not long ago he would have thought this to be the perfect moment, a once in the life time moment, but he felt as if he had been here before dancing to this song with the person he loved in his arms only the person wasn't Alex.

' _I don't care go have you're fun when it's over and done come back to me.'_

He pushed the thoughts from his head and brought his face so close to his wife that their noses touched. She played with the collar of his jacket as they danced grinning up at him.

' _Everyday no matter what you do darling I'll stay true and then you'll see.'_

She helped him pull his jacket off and toss it aside they were generating so much heat dancing they way they were.

' _That when you doubt what love's about. Baby you know it's true.'_

He felt like he could look into her eyes forever, her beautiful eyes. Even as the thought went into his mind he knew it wasn't true, he could look into the beautiful blue grey eyes forever.

' _Oh I could never go.'_

He spun her as they moved down the dance floor, then walked a circle around her as she spun watching her every move.

' _Because I know and deep down you know it too.'_

He placed a hand on her back and lowered her into a slow dip.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

He picked her up and spun her like she weighed nothing, then lowered his lips onto hers in a passionate kiss.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

He held continued to kiss her never wanting to stop, but the pain in his head started to become unbearable.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

The song ended and everyone clapped, Alex blushed she hadn't noticed everyone stopped to watch them. She leaned into her husband's chest shyly as he lead her off the dance floor and back to their table a grin on his face. He forgot how much he loved being center of attention. He paused his train of thought that had to be something from his past a feeling he couldn't remember. The guy he was now was more of the type to stand in the background to go unseen in a way he wasn't the most confident guy, but the man he had just been on the dance floor he had been so sure of himself so sure of his abilities. He had felt so invincible.

"Did you see all their faces?" she laughed quietly to him.

"Yeah" he grinned, "It was ridiculously romantic."

"You know it's nice to come into the city every so often." she said smiling, it wasn't often the couple left their beautiful country home for a night in the city. she continued to talk, but even though he wanted to listen in seemed in mind began to drift away the soft thudding in his head sounding off like a mini drum. He looked up for a moment and his eyes seemed to settle on two men walking away from the crowed park. The two weren't part of a wedding. His eyes left his wife and followed the couple as they disappeared out of the park. For some reason the echo of the name 'Justin' rang through his mind, an echo pleading for the other to turn around.

* * *

"He drove all the way here and asked." Justin told Mikey as they walked through the park.

"And you said yes?" he asked.

"Yeah." He replied with only a bit of hesitation he looked at his feet not looking at his friend.

"But?" Mikey knew Justin well enough to know there was something wrong with the question something wrong with the situation.

"Nothing." Justin looked up flashing one of his famous smiles.

"He isn't Brian." Michel said causing Justin to stop.

"I'm over him, I've been over him for a long time." He argued, "Brian Kinney no longer on my radar." That was a lie, only a yesterday an image of Brian asking him to marry him and flashed into his eyes the moment Liam asked. Then he had thought he saw Brian arms wrapped around a wife and child.

"You might want to be a bit more convincing in front of a jury." Michel shook his head, he knew what denial of Brian Kinney was.

"He left." Justin growled

"You did first." Mikey argued

Justin rolled his eyes, "Not forever and he told me to go, I was planning on coming back."

"He could come back." Michel told him, "You never know."

"For all we know he's dead." Justin sighed, "You know him, what if he found out he was sick what if he went off to-" he stopped himself

"I've thought the same thing." Mikey sighed, "But all we can do is hope he's ok and one day comes back."

"You can do that." Justin told him, "As his best friend, but I can't wait my whole life for a man that doesn't really want me or what I want."

"You have grown up." Michel smirked "You do know he wanted you he loved you the best way he could."

"I know." Justin glanced up as music filled his ears. He closed his eyes and smirked he remembered this song. The two continued to walk closer to the music, "What's going on over there?" Justin asked.

Michal shrugged, "rich people wedding. They always rent that part of the park when they have them."

Justin's eyes were drown to the dance floor it seemed as if it was circled around two dancing. There were to many people surrounding the couple to truly see them, but he felt a small part of his heart drop. The couple was dancing to the song he and Brian had danced to at prom. He closed his eyes as he thought back to that night, at the point of their dance that night had been perfect. Ridiculously romantic that was what Brian had called it that night. He sighed and turned away as the song echoed to an end.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

It was as if he got flashes of his broken heart once more, he should be happy right now not pining away for someone that didn't want him anymore.

"Hey where were you?" Michel asked.

"Just that song it-" he paused "Played at prom, and sometimes when I hear it I can see that night parts of it anyways, I was there for a second."

Michel gave him a sad smile, "I do wish things worked out for you."

"It has." Justin said turning away with a smile walking away from the crowed of people no longer caring to see who was dancing. The urge to walk over and push his way through the crowed fell away, "I have Liam we are getting married and I'm going house hunting with him tomorrow."

"What about the loft?" Michel asked

"Why keep it?" Justin asked.

"Because its-"he sighed, "Liam doesn't want to live there." He paused, "And neither do I the loft isn't home."

"But it is."

"But it isn't."

"It is." Michel smirked, "In the end you always end up back there, you always will."

"No." he told his friend, "Not this time, this time I get the house, I get the man I get the life I want."

"Ok." Michel said as he and Justin walked out of the park, "If you say so."

"I do." Justin argued trying too convince Mickey, but in the end he really was trying to convince himself. He loved Liam he was happy with his life. He let out a soft sigh, he hated that ever since Liam had asked him to get married all he could think about was Brian and what Brian would say about marriage.

* * *

 **AN-so what do you guy think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN- Leave a Review and let me know if you guys think I should continue this story or not.**

 **I know some people don't think this is possible for him to forget who he was, but one this is fanfiction and two it has been known after traumatic brain injuries people are known to change their personalities seeming like someone else completely.**

* * *

"All these places are to die for." Liam smiled, "Are you sure you can afford places like this?"

Justin smiled the one thing New York had been good for was getting him noticed, he could afford just about anything he wanted now.

"Look at that one!" Liam's mouth hit the ground as they pasted an estate that looked to be a castle.

Justin stopped the car and looked at the house and gave a sad smile he knew this place. This had almost been 'their place.'

'It's for my prince.' Brian's words echoed in his ear.

"It has a stable too." Justin told him.

"Do you think it's for sale?" Liam rolled down a window. Just as he did a woman walked out the door with a five year old running after her.

"Honey, lets get in the car and visit daddy at work." Her voice carried through the wind.

"Doesn't look like it." Justin frowned, he knew Brian had gotten rid of the place, but in his mind it had always been special. He hadn't come up here in a while and part of him hoped the place still sat empty not filled with a happy family. "It's for the best, I don't think we need that much space a little ridicules if you ask me."

"Who are you and what did you do with my fiancé?" Liam playfully hit him in the shoulder, but then he sighed, "Where to next?"

"About ten minutes from here." Justin smirked, "We are meeting mom there."

"Can we tell her?" Liam asked, "She doesn't know yet."

"Sure." Justin smiled, he knew his mother would be happy for him, but he also knew she wasn't Liam's number one fan. She had even admitted it to Justin, Liam wasn't the person she had seen for him.

In a way Justin knew what she meant, she had seen him with Brian so long she was used to seeing Brian as the 'husband' and Justin as the 'wife' in a sense, but with Liam it wasn't as clear cut as that. Yes Liam had asked Justin to marry him, but Liam had no one dominate trait in his body, he was passive.

Justin liked that, or at least he thought he did at times he did miss Brian's authority when it came to making decisions, but Liam was reliable Liam was someone who had the same goals in life. Justin was rich and successful and now he wanted a family. Brian would have never given that to him.

* * *

Brian looked at the list Alex gave him and sighed, this wasn't usually one of his jobs food shopping. He didn't know where anything was in the store and was slowly growing frustrated. He didn't know why he let her drag him along and now she had disappeared into some isle and he had no idea where.

"Brian?" a male's voice seemed to take notice of him causing him to turn. He didn't recognize the voice.

A tall blonde man stood looking at him, "Do I know you?" Brian asked maybe he had met him at work.

"Don't even remember me?" the man shook his head, "Still an asshole I see."

"Excuse me?" he asked insulted, what right did this guy have calling him an asshole.

The man raised his eye brow, when did Brian Kinney ever get insulted being called an asshole didn't he embrace it, wasn't he proud of it? "David." He said his name.

Still Brian looked at him not recognizing him at all, but clearly he could feel this other man didn't like him and he was beginning to see he didn't quite like this new comer.

"Well fuck enough people and even the ones you haven't get lost." David said shacking his head.

"Daddy can we buy these?" Tristan asked jumping up next to the cart holding a box of cereal.

"What did you just say?" Brian asked not believing this man just used the term 'fuck' in such a public area.

"Daddy?" David looked to the boy and back to Brian.

"Hun." Alex said walking up and placing some fruit in the cart, "What happened to you one second your behind me and the next you weren't." she glanced at the boy and frowned, "All that cereal is, is sugar go put it back."

"But mom." He winded.

"You-" David frowned confused. As Brian wrapped an arm around Alex's waist.

"Who is this?" Alex asked, "A friend? Hi, I'm Alex Brian's wife." She held out her hand to shake his.

David looked in shock at the beautiful woman standing next to Brian. What was going on here? He saw a wedding ring on both people's fingers they had a son and looked like another on the way. "I-" he was lost for words, "Should go, wrong person." He muttered as he turned and left leaving both Brian and Alex looking at each other bewildered.

"Who was that?" she asked

"No idea, he called me an asshole, told me I didn't remember who he was because I fuck to many people."

"Brian!" Alex gasped slapping his arm "Language."

He grinned, "Sorry just telling you what he said."

"He must be some dirty old man." Alex shook her head

Brian shrugged as they reached the cereal isle where Tristan was looking sadly at the food he wanted. Brian picked up the box and tossed it in the cart. Tristan looked at his father a grinned. Alex sighed but she didn't argue.

* * *

"Who would we ask?" Justin sighed as he sat eating his breakfast across the table from Liam at the loft. "You can't just ask anyone."

"There are agency's that you can hire." Liam told him excitedly.

Justin sighed, "I don't know, don't you think we should get the wedding out of the way first."

"Get the wedding out of the way?" Liam's voice changed.

Shit. Justin thought that wasn't how he meant for it to come out, but he couldn't hide the fact he was jumping up and down with excitement counting down the days. "Liam."

"No." He wiped his mouth on a napkin and tossed his napkin on the table. "If you don't want to marry me then just say it."

"fuck Liam not this again." Justin rolled his eyes it seemed no matter what he said or what he did Liam was always insecure what they had.

"I know ever since we started this relationship you've always had one foot out the door." Liam shook his head.

"I have not!" Justin argued back.

"You have, back in New York you were always one step out the door ready to run here!" he paused, "You did, you ran from everything we had and came here."

"So did you." Justin shook his head, "You followed me here."

"Because I don't want to lose you." Tears filled his eyes, "But I lost you before I even had you."

"What are you talking about?" Justin let out a sigh tired of this argument.

"You've always wanted to come back here to this place!" Liam said, "Always hoping he'd be here waiting for you."

Justin glared at Liam, "I told you a long time ago I'm over Brian."

"Then why are we living in his loft?" Liam asked shaking his head, "I hate this place."

"It's my place, Brian left it to me." Justin argued, "He isn't here anymore."

"God he's everywhere!" Liam growled, "That's why I want that house!"

"Grow up, we all have a past." Justin rolled his eyes.

"And the more I learn about yours I wonder if I even know you!" Liam stood up shaking his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Justin rolled his eyes dinner obviously was done.

"I hear stories about you Justin about you and Brian." Liam shook his head, "I just find it hard to believe after living that life style you would want to live the one you have claimed to want."

"You mean because when I was younger and I messed around that now I couldn't want to move on and get a real life?" Justin stood up anger beginning to fill him.

"How do I know you aren't still doing what you did with Brian?" Liam asked

"How dare you ask that!" Justin yelled back, "When have I ever given you a reason to not trust me?"

Liam shook his head not answering.

"I love you Liam, but you have to figure out what ever is going on in your head." Justin growled, "I'm not living a life where I'm accused of stepping out." He pulled on his jacket and began walking for the door.

"Where are you going?" Liam asked.

"Out." Justin growled shaking his head; he needed air he needed to get out it had been a long time since he went to a club.

* * *

Brian looked over at his sleeping wife and couldn't help but think he had everything. He had all the money he could want a beautiful estate, a wife and son with another child on the way it was the life most people would dream of.

Yet it didn't feel right it seemed he was just living in some dream and at any moment he would wake up. It seemed every so often from the time he woke up in the hospital he would feel lost, like something was missing. He felt like he was just moving through the motions of life and not really living it. In time he had hoped these feelings would go away, but it was just the opposite and no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he was happy there was a part of him deep down that wanted out, that wanted to be free, but free to do what he didn't know.

Soon his eyes grew heavy and sleep took him. He slept soundly not dreaming at all, only a peaceful darkness in his mind.

 _'Later'_ a voice echoed through his head in the darkness, his voice.

An image began to form in his dream, he was sitting in a jeep looking in one of the side view mirrors watching someone walk away. He could feel himself smile as he watched the figure walk. Then his heart began to pick up as another appeared in the mirror someone holding a baseball bat. He could feel himself wanting to warn the other he pushed open his car door. _'Justin'_ his voice yelled out echoing through his head repeating over and over again. A sickening crack echoed his heart panicked he wasn't quick enough. He reached the fallen figure he could feel himself muttering as he leaned down clutching the other ' _No no no no no. God_ '

"Brian!" Alex's voice woke him up, "You were yelling in your sleep."

Brian opened his eyes to see daylight peering through the windows. He looked at his wife and saw she was dressed in her Sunday best. "Fuck why'd you let me sleep in."

"Brian!" Alex exclaimed, "Language." Then she sighed, "Are you alright." She looked worried it seemed like it was always on her face as of late.

"I'm fine." He pushed the covers off heading to the shower.

"Your mother is already here she's down stairs with Tristan I was on my way up to wake you when I heard you yelling." She said softly

"I'm fine." He said again closing the bathroom door ending the conversation.

Alex walked down stairs and put a smile on her face, but instantly her mother in law knew something was up. The older woman sent Tristan to get his new art work from his room to show her. When the child disappeared the older woman took Alex by the hand.

"What's wrong dear?" she asked

"It's Brian."

Worry flashed across the older woman's face. "What's wrong, are his memories coming back?"

Alex frowned, "No. Why would that be a bad thing?" she paused and shook her head, "No he's just been acting strange as of late, and his head bothers him a lot he says he's just stressed, but what if it's more?"

"Honey." She said smiling, "He's fine. If he says he's fine he's alright."

"I don't know lately he just seems to be pulling away, sometimes I feel like he doesn't want this life." She sighed as she placed her hand on her stomach. "And he's having nightmares too."

"Stress will do that, he probably just has a lot on his mind." Brian's mom wanted to keep Alex calm to convince her everything was ok. But Brian's mom feared the worst what if he remembered his past? What if he went back to a life of sin? He couldn't do that not now. He had a life he proved he couldn't be to far gone. He had a beautiful wife and beautiful son and another child on the way. He was living the life she had always prayed he would. He was living the life he should.

Alex knew nothing of Brian's past she knew nothing of the type he used to go out with. Alex and even Brian only knew what she had told them, she hadn't fully lied. She had said Brian used to go out every night and have a lot of sex. She only changed one little detail she made them think he slept with women not men she never wanted Brian to go back to that life choice. Never. She would do what ever she could to make him stay in the light.

She had noticed a change in her son, while his whole life she never thought he was gay she had only found out after he turned thirty she had always known him to be confident in everything he did. Now he seemed to be a shadow of his old self. She liked that he no longer wanted to see men, but she didn't like the fact he didn't seem to go after what he wanted. At work he made a lot of money, but he didn't push his ideas as hard as he should. He often took people's comments to personally and never truly fought for what he deserved at work he did what others wanted of him and made a good living as simple as that, he never once put himself on the line.

In a way that was good now that much Brian's mother knew. It was his attitude to do anything that pleased him and made his life better that made get into all the awful life choices. Now he had a real chance for happiness, for his soul to be saved. No she could truly love her son again.

"Maybe this isn't what he wants." Alex continued, "Maybe I'm not what he wants."

Brian was about to walk into the room, but he heard his wife talking and he paused before he turned through the doorway remaining hidden.

"Of course you are what he wants, a beautiful god honoring woman, what else could he want?" she smiled at her, "You're everything we always wanted for Brian."

"Sometimes when we are together I don't think he see's me." She almost whispered.

"What do you mean? I see the way he looks at you." His mother reassured

"I love the way he looks at me." Alex whispered, "But I don't think he see's me not of late. He's always scanning the crowed as if he's looking."

"Looking for what?"

"Someone else maybe someone he forgot." Alex shook her head, "was there someone else?"

Brian's mother thought back to when she first found out about his past life choices, she remembered the blonde boy with blue grey eyes, she never bothered to learn the boy's name. Now it didn't matter her son didn't remember that life style he proved that was just some darkness he was tempted by, but now he saw the light.

"No." She hesitated, "I told you Brian just moved from girl to girl he never had just one, until you." She smiled and cupped her daughter in laws face in her hands. "He's just stress so you relax smile for the both of you and just be there for him. What makes you think he's looking for someone else, or seeing someone else when he's looking at you?"

"The other night we danced at my sister's wedding." She said softly, "It was so beautiful everyone stopped to watch and I couldn't stop laughing, couldn't stop smiling but he was looking at me and he seemed a million miles away. And when our eyes locked I don't think he was looking at me."

"You two ready?" Brian asked coming around the doorway. His wife looked up and for the first time he noticed her smile. It wasn't as happy as he remembered; she was putting on a front. How long had she been smiling this way? How long had she been unhappy? And the question raced around his mind, how long had he been unhappy? Could there be someone he was searching for someone he couldn't remember from before the accident? His mother said no, but did his mother really know everything about him?

* * *

 **AN- And another chapter, Review and let me know what you think. Just remember this is a fan fiction and obviously not cannon just thought of this after I was up late watching QAF on Netflix. Some medical facts might not be true.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN- I just love Brian and Justin watching the episodes where Brian helps Justin get over his fears in season two just melts my heart, when ever he holds him on the street or when he stands with his arms open for Justin to walk into. I just love them.**

* * *

The phone next to the bed rang making Brian shoot up in bed. Alex as well jumped as her hand flew to the phone quickly answering no one called him this late let alone on the landline.

Brian groaned and watched his wife she looked concerned. "Who is it?" he whispered.

"I'll pick you up." Alex sighed, "Just stay where you are." She hung up the phone and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Brian grumbled, "Who was that?"

"My brother." She sighed.

"The fag?" he asked.

"Brian!" Alex glared, "Don't call him that."

He groaned, "Go back to bed, you aren't going anywhere that he is right now."

"He needs someone to pick him up." Alex told him, "The rest of my family has turned their back on him, I'm not about to."

"You're pregnant." Brian sat up, "Any place your brother is isn't a place for you."

She sighed, "Brian I have to help him he sounded hurt, upset." She moved to her closet.

"Stop." He got out of bed, "Where is he I'll go."

"Brian it's late you have work in the morning." She shook her head, "It's alright I can go, he's some where on liberty avenue."

"Hell if your going there!" He almost yelled, "Alone? At night? No way in hell."

"Brian you don't have to be so dramatic." Alex shook her head.

"I'll go." he growled, "You aren't, go back to bed."

Alex looked at her husband knowing she wasn't going to win the fight. She nodded her head and sat down on the bed as he dressed quickly.

"I'll be back soon." He leaned over and kissed her, "Get some rest."

"Thank you." She said softly. She knew his families views on gays, his mother hated them after all she believed it to be a sin. Truthfully she never had heard much of Brian's view point he never argued his mother, but she also never heard him agree with her either. He had only met her brother a handful of times at a few family functions, but they always ended awful. Her parents hated having a gay son and in the end Graham stopped coming to the family parties. This was the first time she had heard from him in a little over a year. She heard Brian's car start up in the drive way knowing she wasn't going to sleep until both Brian and her brother were both back in the house.

It was late, Brian sighed as he drove his car down Liberty Avenue it was just like he remembered. He frowned, remembered? He had never been here before only saw it on the news or in headlines. How could he remember it? He frowned as his eyes scanned the crowed, he wasn't even sure he remembered what Alex's brother looked like let alone which brother he was looking for.

She had two brothers that could be in this situation her family consisted of Alex as the oldest, then her sister, and last was her two twin brothers. Graham and Liam. He thought he remembered her saying Liam and that made sense he was almost positive that Liam lived in New York and had a boyfriend living a fairly normal life. Graham had been the brother to go off and join the party scene never making much out of his life.

Brian remembered Alex telling him that Graham was once doing really well with his life, he was a genius when it came to playing the piano and had the chance to go to Julliard but that all ended when he was jumped one night. He was jumped because he was gay. For a time it seemed no one knew if Graham would live or not, in the end he survived, but due to the attack he could no longer play, when ever he tried his hands shook he couldn't play anymore and that ruined him. The last time Brian and Alex had heard from him was back before Tristan was born, back then in seemed Graham was making a living by having people pay him for sex.

That was the brother he assumed he was picking up. The brother that was the black sheep of the family, well Liam was also a black sheep, but he had his life together. He remembered Alex smile when she got a call from Liam explaining how happy he was in New York his boyfriend was a successful artist and they were talking about marriage and adopting.

Alex tried very hard to get a relationship with her brothers. When her family found out they were gay they had cut them from the family, her parents were ashamed and so was her sister. Alex had been away from living across the country she didn't know her brothers were thrown out until it was to late. It had taken her a long time to track them down Liam was more open to getting a relationship with his sister, but she only found them after Graham had been hurt by then he had become a very angry young man. It was far harder to keep a good relationship with him. Brian sighed that was probably why she was willing to rush down here hoping this was a turning point for her little brother.

He let his radio play low hoping he wasn't going to be out all night.

 _'Keep me close when you go far away.'_

He drove slow trying to get a look at everyone's face to see if he knew any of them, but no one seemed familiar. He noticed people were beginning to look at him, his corvette was drawing attention.

 _'You close your eyes to find a better way. Buried deep to something true.'_

That's when it happened, his eyes that were scanning the crowds settled on one person; it wasn't who he was looking for.

 _'And I'll find a way, I'll find a way to you, I'll find a way, I'll find a way to you.'_

It was as if he was dreaming in this very moment it seemed the blonde hair with the blue grey eyes was standing leaning on a lamppost.

 _'Could we find a place beyond the lights, I'll be here when you return.'_

His heart began to race as he stopped his car. His eyes searching the other man. In all his dreams he had never seen a face that belonged to the hair and eyes, but he still couldn't take his eyes away, was he still dreaming? Why would he be dreaming of this guy? He looked younger, way younger then anyone he should be dreaming about.

 _'Cause I'll find a way, I'll find a way to you, I'll find a way. I'll find a way to you, I'll find a way to you.'_

He wanted to get out of his car and go to the man, something deep within him was screaming to move forward, but his brain began to take control, there was no way he would ever be dreaming of some random guy, he was just confused. He shook his head the familiar ache once again returning.

 _'and hope won't change but won't return but I'll take the chance, so please don't turn away.'_

It seemed almost like time slowed down, the blonde who seemed to be scanning the crowed with a sad expression on his face slowly turned as if his name had been called. For a moment their eyes met.

 _'I'll keep your heart I know you'll come through.'_

His heart picked up as his hand reached for the door, the guy's eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost. Brian was about to open his arms and go to the other man, when a voice broke him from his trance.

"She sent you?"

Brian turned quickly to see Graham's head looking through the window. "Er yeah." He mumbled glancing back to the blonde.

Graham followed his brother in law's glance and smirked, "Got your eyes on a pretty blonde now don't we?"

Brian turned back to look at Graham and rolled his eyes, "Get in, Alex is worried sick."

"Always knew you were a secret fag." Graham half joked as he got into the car.

"I'm not a-" he stopped and sighed as he started the car. As the car roared to life the song that had been playing on the radio.

 _'I'll find a way, I'll find a way to you'_

"What ever you say." Graham sighed.

Forgetting about the blonde Brian put the car in drive not realizing the blonde had begun to move towards him. He drove down the road not looking back, perhaps if he had he would have seen that the other man stood in the center of the road watching him leave.

* * *

He had come out to just get away from arguing with Liam. So much seemed up in the air as of late, he could see where Liam was coming from. Back in New York he had been on the same page as Liam, they wanted to get married they wanted to have a baby they wanted a home to build together. Only Justin had gotten invited back by Lindsey who was putting on an art show and wanted to feature his art. He happily agreed and told Liam he would only be gone a few weeks, but he had never gone back to New York. A part of himself knew he wasn't planning on returning to the big city. Liam had known that too that was why he came here and asked Justin to marry him in hopes to save what they had.

Justin hadn't known at first he wanted to return to the place he had grown up, but being back and made him feel something had hadn't in a long time. He hadn't been able to create many new pieces as of late. Whenever he started something he hated it and would throw it away. It seemed his muse had died in the city he hadn't painted anything new in almost a year. All the work Lindsey featured was older; he just couldn't find anything worth painting.

He knew he didn't want to go to the bar, not right now that wasn't a fight he wanted to have with Liam. So instead he leaned on a light post and lit a cigarette. He took a deep puff and sighed, it had been so long since he had smoked he felt his whole body relax. He looked around him watching as couples laughed and danced heading out to the different clubs, groups of friends planning on a night of their lives. He remembered a time when he was among these people; happy knowing his friends were with him, and happy knowing Brian was around. He watched as people passed ignoring the ones that tried to get his attention, he wasn't sure who he was looking for, but deep down he knew he was looking for Brian. He just wanted to know if he was all right.

This was stupid he knew he shouldn't have stormed out of the loft he should have just talked calmly to Liam. The reason he had left was simple he felt like he couldn't breath anymore when Liam talked about the future. It seemed as of late, when ever Liam spoke of the future together, of getting married he felt like he was drowning and there was no way to get above the water. He felt like he was going to drown. He was about to head home when the loud roar of a car caught his attention. As he looked up he felt like his heart skipped a few beats. A corvette sat still in the middle of the road. It wasn't the same corvette he had rode six years ago, but it was still a corvette seeing it made his heart race as he allowed himself to hope.

He strained his eyes to see who was driving; as he did he noticed the driver was looking at him and in that moment for the first time in a long time he felt like he could breath, he felt like he could get above the water. Brian. He thought, could it really be possible, could Brian be back in Liberty Avenue? He began moving forward as the man in the car watched him, but before he could reach the car another man climbed in the driver looked away and turned the car on. He tried to hurry before they drove away but there were so many people he began pushing his way through the crowed almost feeling panicked, he had to get to that car.

"Move!" he growled, but by the time he got to where the car had been he saw only taillights as it drove away. His heart sank as he realized how stupid he had been.

"Justin?" Emmet's voice caused him to turn. "What are you running into the street like a mad man?"

"I-" he paused looking back not seeing the car anymore, "Thought I saw-" he shook his head, "Nothing."

"Are you alright?" Emmet asked worry in his voice.

"Fine Em." He sighed, "I should get home, Liam will be worried." Without another word Justin left not wanted to let Emmet know how stupid he had just been to think Brian had retuned.

* * *

"So what made you call Alex?" Brian asked breaking the silence that had fallen in the car on the drive back to his estate.

"What a boy can't call his sister for help from time to time?" Graham asked.

"You never call her, what happened?" he asked.

"To much beer, or drugs." He shrugged.

"I'm not an idiot." Brian glanced over at him, "She said you were in trouble she was worried."

For a moment Graham just looked at Brian not speaking, he let out a sigh, "I saw them."

"Who?" Brian asked.

"The guys that attacked me." Graham leaned back in his seat. "Earlier today so I went and drank, did some drugs and I guess had a panic attack."

"Where did you see them?"

"The hospital." Graham hesitated slightly.

"Why were you there?"

"You ask to many questions." Graham smirked and placed his hand on Brian's thigh. Brian glanced down frowning he took his own hand and pushed Graham's away. "You are hot you know."

"And your avoiding the question." Brian argued surprisingly unfazed by Grahams advances.

"I got tested." He sighed, "I'm positive."

Brian slowly turned and looked at Graham feeling sad for him. He knew he should think something along the lines that Graham had done it to himself living the life style that he did, but Brian didn't think that at all. He even surprised himself on how he took the news. "Do you have anywhere to stay?"

"Why do you think I called you asshole." Graham snapped.

"You can stay with us." Brian sighed he wasn't sure how he felt about Alex's brother, but he knew she wouldn't allow Graham to live on the streets.

Graham leaned his head on the window of the car, "I don't need you pity. And I don't need your help." The way he said 'your' sounded almost like he disgusted Graham.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Brian asked not realizing he had given the boy reason to hate him.

"I've met your family at the wedding." He rolled his eyes, "They hate fags, and they like my family were appalled you invited Liam and I."

"It's what Alex wanted." Brian told him, "And I have no problem with your kind."

"My kind?" Graham asked, to Brian it seemed like the boy was just trying to pick a fight. "You aren't afraid I might infect your son with my sinful ways?" he asked mocking the words sinful.

"No I'm not." Brian told him, "I'm not as religious as you might think. My mother and sister are, but I only go on Sundays because that is how things are."

"Just because things are doesn't mean they should be." Graham muttered as the two fell into silence once more.

* * *

Liam was already asleep well pretending to sleep. Just knew his fiancé was awake only pretending to sleep.

He wanted to be angry, but he was too tired too drunk and too high to care. His thoughts were on how stupid he had been how had he allowed himself to think Brian had been there tonight? He hated that as much as he wanted to be he wasn't over Brian and he never would be. The thought had scared him so much he had gone to Woody's and drank until he got cut off and taken some drugs he couldn't even remember what. He just wanted to forget Brian.

As he closed his eyes the thought came to him, the thought he had been fighting for a while. Why was he in this relationship? Why didn't he abandon ship and try and find Brian? He slowly opened his eyes as he realized how stupid that idea was. Brian was gone, he was like some wild animal that left his pack to probably go off and die. It didn't matter anyways he was over Brian. At least he kept trying to convince himself that.

Yet the small voice deep in his mind told him he would never be over Brian. Many guys would come into his life, he would even love some of them but Brian was a different kind of love, a forever love. One that didn't make sense no part of anything that he and Brian were made sense, but yet it had been perfect.

He didn't want to think anymore, he didn't want to feel anymore. He rolled over and kissed Liam's neck just the way Justin knew drove him crazy. Liam rolled over to look at him their eyes met for a moment.

"I'm still mad." Liam said before he pulled Justin closer his lips hitting Justin's. Justin smirked, mad or not he knew he was getting his way tonight. In Liam's embrace he could forget Brian for a few hours.

* * *

 **AN- So what do you guys think? Review and let me know. With every review I get more inspired to write.**

 **-The song I used in this chapter was the one that inspired this story.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN- And another chapter, I know there are a few plot holes, I'll try and find ways to fill them, but no promises I'll get them all.**

* * *

"Daddy's home." Graham chimed grinning, as he seemed to dance across the floor holding a baby. Brian raised his eyebrows watching Alex's brother find his way over. He had been living with them for a few months. Alex had been beyond happy to help her brother and happy that Brian allowed her too.

Brian was almost surprised at how normal it seemed having Graham around, he couldn't really remember a time when he thought about his views on gay life, but apparently Alex had thought he would have the same views of his mother and sister who hated gay people.

Graham handed Kaylee to him, Brian smiled looking down at his daughter, she was now two months old. Graham was great with her and often loved spending time with his niece and nephew.

"You are just in time for dinner." Alex said walking into the room smiling at her husband. "Hurry and get ready Liam is excited."

Brian looked up suddenly he had forgotten about dinner plans with her other brother and his fiancé. "I'm sorry."

"Don't tell me you're not coming." She sighed this was becoming habit lately.

"The boss wants me to stay late, I couldn't say no."

"Of course you couldn't" she took the baby from his arms, "Then Graham and I should get going." She wasn't happy that much Brian knew, "Tristan let's go!"

"Coming mommy." The little boy hurried down the stairs.

"Have fun at work." Alex almost snapped as she placed Kaylee in her car seat and walked out of the house.

"Women." Graham shook his head, "Don't know why you bother with them." Then he followed Alex and Tristan outside. Brian shook his head knowing they would have a fight later.

* * *

"I'm so happy you could make it!" Liam clapped his hands as his sister and brother walked in, "Where's that hunky husband of yours?"

"He couldn't make it." Alex sighed.

"Long story." Graham smirked, "Hunky husband had to work."

"It's fine." Liam smiled, "I was used to that all the time in New York Justin worked late all the time." He turned to look at the kitchen area "Justin come say hello."

Justin put down the spoon he was using to stir a pot with and walked over. "Sorry how rude of me." He said flashing one of his award winning smiles.

Alex smiled at him, "Dinner smells amazing." She said, "I'm Alex."

"Justin." He said shaking her hand.

"I see everything my brother has said about you is true."

"What has he said?" Justin turned to look at his partner grinning.

The relationship between them had gotten better over the last few months. Justin tried to get his mind set back to where he was back in New York, most of the time it seemed to be working. He only thought of Brian sometimes when he tried to sleep now.

"Baby look the baby!" Liam grinned as Alex handed Kaylee to her brother.

Justin smiled seeing a baby in Liam's arms after all this was what they wanted in their future, a baby of their own.

"She's beautiful." Justin grinned as a knock rang out at the door. "Must be Lindsey and Mel." Justin turned to the door happy some of his friends could make the dinner.

As he opened the door J.R flew into the loft at top speed. Justin laughed as she ran by turning back to Mel and Lindsey who shook their head.

"She's had so much energy since we moved back to the city." Mel told him, "Not enough space to run it off."

"Well I'm happy you guys decided to move back here." Justin told him as the women came inside. Gus trailing behind his eyes glued to his new tablet. "Hey Gus." He called looking at the boy who was looking more and more like Brian everyday.

Gus hardly looked up, "Hey Uncle Justin." He said before sitting on the couch continuing to play his game.

"Sorry, all he cares about is that stupid game." Lindsey said shaking her head.

"It's fine, when I was his age all I did was walk around with my sketch pad a draw." He told her.

"Whose the baby?" Lindsey asked noticing a baby in Liam's arms. She actually didn't mind Liam he was a nice guy who wanted everything Justin wanted. The only part was she didn't like Liam for Justin. She knew Liam wanted everything that Justin did only she feared that Justin really didn't want this life, he only thought he did. She knew Justin wanted Brian, she knew Justin wanted what they had, while he dreamed of settling down and being happy with children that had never been in the cards for Brian.

"That is Liam's niece, and the little boy over there his nephew they are joining us for dinner." Justin informed, "Along with his brother as well." Justin brought the girls over to Liam's family. "Lindsey Mel, this is Alex and Graham."

"It's nice to meet you." Alex said smiling.

It didn't take long for everyone to make quick friends, Alex seemed nice enough Justin was surprised they hadn't met before this moment. He remembered when they first met he said he hated every strait person in his family, and his twin had gone off the deep end after he had gotten hurt. They both seemed nice and together now. Justin knew that Alex was married and that her husband couldn't make it he was a successful marketer at some place in the country.

* * *

"Brian what are you doing here?" His mother asked with a smile as she opened the door.

"A son can't drop by to have dinner with his mother?" He asked a smile on his face.

"Not when he has a long face." She sighed

"Alex and I got into a fight." He walked into the house and hung his jacket up on the hook.

His mother frowned and followed him as he walked into the kitchen. "About what?"

"Me working to much, our usual fight."

"I wasn't aware you two fought." Her voice was worried.

"Mother everyone fights." He sighed and sat down at the table.

"Honey, something seems different." She sat down across from him and took his hand in hers. "You seem different as of late."

"It's just." He stopped and sighed, "I don't know things have been off lately."

"What do you mean?" She asked her heart race picking up.

"It's just-" he stopped, "I keep seeing someone in my dreams." He hadn't admitted his dreams to anyone, but he had always been so close with his mother he felt like he could tell her anything.

"Someone." She paused, "Else?"

"Yes." Brian nodded his head, "I don't know who it is I just keep seeing blonde hair, blue grey eyes, and a wonderful smile, none of which match any part of Alex."

"Honey." She shook her head trying to figure out what to say. The image of the boy in Brian's loft years ago flashed into her mind. Could he really be recalling that boy? What hold could that boy have over him that would cause him to dream? Brian had a wonderful and beautiful wife, why was he dreaming of that boy?

"I should have told you." She said softly.

Brian looked up hearing the sadness in her voice, "Tell me what?"

"The accident, I thought-" she let a tear fall from her eyes, "I didn't want you to be in pain."

"Pain? Mother what are you talking about?" He grew more alarmed at his mother's tears.

"You weren't alone in the car." She whispered

"What?" he frowned.

"I lied when I told you Alex was the first to tame you." She shook her head, "In a way one person held you, always."

"I don't understand." He shook his head.

"For as long as I could remember you were always a strong minded child, and grew to an even stronger adult." She looked up at him. "I could never tell you what to do, but someone could and even though you never admitted it you were controlled by someone."

"Who?" he asked.

"Your best friend." She replied. "Lindsey. She had blonde hair, blue grey eyes and a beautiful smile" In truth she only knew that Lindsey had blonde hair she had no idea if the woman held the other two images he had dreamed of.

"I don't remember her." He frowned, which wasn't odd since he didn't remember, but something about her name did sound familiar.

"She wasn't the only person." She whispered.

"Who else was in the car?" he wondered who else he once held dear that he had forgotten.

"You and Lindsey had a son." She looked away from him and at her hands, "His name was-"

"Gus." Brian whispered remembering the other day when he called Tristan Gus.

She snapped her head up quickly alarmed he remembered the boy's name, "You remember?"

"No." He mumbled shaking his head, "But how could you not tell me?" he was growing angry, how could he spend the last six years not mourning the death of the woman he loved and his child? His dreams had been trying to tell him all this time.

"I didn't want to hurt you, I thought you could heal without knowing of their loss." She reached for his hand, "Please Brian I only did what I thought was best for you."

"What was best for me?" he pulled his hand away from her shaking his head, "Not telling me I had a son or someone I loved that died isn't good for me!"

"Brian please!" she called after him after he stormed out of the kitchen, she watched her son grab his coat and storm out the front door slamming it behind him.

* * *

His head was pounding as he entered the bar, all he knew was he had to numb the pain some how. Drinking seemed the best option. He sat down and drank; he kept drinking until the pain stopped in his head. He noticed his phone was ringing, but he just turned it over so he wouldn't see it. He wanted no part of anyone right now; he was upset with his mother, and probably his sister because she must have known. Alex was still mad at him and he didn't want to explain to her what he was feeling right now.

How could he explain to his life he was mourning a family he couldn't remember? Perhaps this was why he would look at his family and instead of being happy he would feel lost, maybe something deep down knew what he was missing. He tried to find an image in his mind, just one of the family he had forgotten, maybe that was who he had been dreaming about all along.

How could he tell Alex that he longed for a family he had lost and because of that was pulling away from the family he had now? She wouldn't understand, it would only hurt her. He didn't want to hurt Alex he didn't want to hurt anyone, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling a pain he couldn't understand, it was as if his mind was trying to remember everything he had forgotten, but something kept pushing it away.

* * *

"I'm worried." Alex said sitting on the couch looking at Graham, "His mother called said he left her house upset and now I can't get a hold of him."

"He's alright Alex he's a big boy." Graham leaned back glancing over at Liam who was still gushing over the baby. His partner Justin seemed happy to have the child around as well, he almost felt jealous that Liam had found happiness, had gotten so close to having a family just like Alex. Within a few months Liam would be married and trying to adopt a child. His whole family was going places in life and he was still alone.

"This isn't like him." She continued.

"Aren't you mad at him right now?" Graham asked.

"I am, but I love him and he's been acting so unlike himself as of late." She shook her head

"Have you ever thought maybe who he is now isn't who he really is?" Graham asked, he had always thought it strange that she married a man that had no past or couldn't remember any of it.

He saw worry flash across her face, "No." she shook her head.

Graham sighed, "You stay here with this kids and Liam I'll go find him."

"Thank you." She smiled.

"No problem sis, he's probably at the a bar where most guys gay or not go when they are having issues with their partner."

* * *

Graham hadn't known so many bars were around that Brian could be at, these bars were far different from the gay bars he had been to in any city. Defiantly hetero bar not his kind of a good time. By the time he reached the last one he wasn't sure what to think, it wasn't like most of the others he had been in this night. While it still didn't look like a gay bar it also didn't look like a hetero bar either. It seemed fun and upbeat playing good music and people were dancing it seemed more like a club then a little bar.

His eyes scanned the bar hoping to see Brian there, but he sighed when he noticed no man that look anything like him. He was about to turn around and leave when he noticed someone on the dance floor, he couldn't believe it when his eyes adjusted a realized the person that caught his eye was Brian. He raised his eye brows as he watched Brian dance surprisingly he was good, he drew attention if he was in a gay bar all the guys would see he was the guy to dance with, the guy to fuck.

He wondered if he should tell Alex he found her husband dancing with other girls. Yet the more he paid attention he realized that Brian wasn't dancing with women up in front of Brian wasn't a women it was a guy.

Graham watched as the guy danced in front of his sister's husband and he watched the way the other man was drawn to Brian.

Pushing his way to the crowed until he was in front of Brian, the closer he walked the more he realized Brian had far to much to drink.

"I've been looking everywhere for you!" Graham yelled over the music. Brian grinned and placed his arms on Graham's shoulder ignoring the words but continuing to dance. "Brian we have to go!"

"I want to stay." He smirked, "I want to dance, I want to remember."

"Let's go Alex is worried sick." Graham told him.

Brian ran his hands through Graham's hair, "Beautiful blonde hair, why doesn't Alex have blonde hair."

Graham couldn't help but be attracted to his sister's husband. Brian was an attractive man and sometimes Graham would feel as if there was more to Brian then he let on. Sometimes Graham wondered if maybe Brian wasn't as strait as even he himself believed. He could feel Brian's arms pulling him closer, his hips rubbing his own. Graham couldn't help but dance along with such a strong leader. He felt himself being drawn in, his head moving closer to Brian. As Brian's lips were about to touch Graham's the music stopped.

Brian pulled away and frowned, "I need another drink." He muttered as he walked away leaving Graham standing on the dance floor.

After Graham regained his composure he hurried after Brian who had already walked back to the bar, "Please Brian let's go home."

Brian turned to look at Graham and shook his head, "I can't." he told him, "I can't."

"Why not?" Graham frowned.

"I lost them and I can't remember, my head." He took another gulp of his drink, "it hurts so much."

Graham sat down next to Brian, "I don't understand."

"Mother told me." He shook his head, "I had a family before the accident, and one I can't remember." He looked at his drink, "Dreams, I keep having dreams, blonde hair, blue grey eyes, and a contagious smile." He turned to look at Graham, "I love your sister, but I can't shake this feeling I don't belong here."

"Yes you do." Graham said, "you are happy with my sister, with your son and daughter."

Brain shook his head, "something is missing."

Graham looked at Brian almost shocked, "Let's go home."

"Home." Brian let out a laugh, "Is that really what that place is?"

"Of course." He argued, "It is your home!"

"No." he shook his head, "It doesn't feel like home."

"Please." Graham said leaning closer to Brian. He was shocked when Brian took his hand wrapped it behind Graham's head and pulled his lips to his.

Brian pulled away and smirked, "Fine let's go home." He turned and walked away from the bar and out the front door.

* * *

Brian slept late the next morning he had gotten home late; or rather Graham had half dragged Brian into the house. Alex informed Tristan to not wake his father and she tried her best to keep the baby quiet. She was worried about her husband; Graham simply said he found Brian drinking at a bar. She could tell Brian had far too much and that scared her she never knew him to drink more then a beer or two maybe at a party. What caused him to jump headfirst? Could it just be the little fight they had? What had his mother said that upset him so much?

Graham hadn't come out of his room at all his just looked at his ceiling replaying what he had seen last night, what Brian had said and done. Brian had actually kissed him. Brian had said he wasn't happy, could that be a sign Brian wasn't as strait as one might think? Yet that would make no sense he married a woman, he loved Alex anyone could see that and he loved his children, how could he be a gay man?

Maybe he was just a friendly guy Graham didn't know, it also bothered him that there was over thirty years of Brian's life he couldn't remember. What type of person had he been in his past? Maybe the man he was now was no where close to the man he used to be, maybe his past was finding its way to push him into being that person again.

And he was dreaming of someone else who wasn't Alex, if his sister knew she would be crushed she loved Brian with ever part of her. If she found out he was dreaming of another woman it would be devastating. Yet after seeing Brian dancing with that guy last night then dancing with him he had felt something he had never felt around Brian before. An attraction, an attraction he only seemed to feel when dancing with other gay men. Brian knew how to move, he seemed to know how to grind his hips in the right way to make Graham go crazy, that hadn't just been a drunken guy making a mistake.

Something seemed so familiar about the way Brian was last night, something he couldn't put his finger on. It was almost like he had seen Brian before and not as the husband of his sister, but as someone else. Something else. He closed his eyes and tried to recall his memory from years a memory he could place with the image of Brian dancing last night.

He sighed and got up from bed, who was he kidding Brian was strait he was only hoping, wishing he could get a wonderful guy like Brian. He was fooling himself into believing Brian could be gay to allow an illusion of the mind to think Brian could want him. He felt guilty just thinking it Brian was his sister's husband he shouldn't be having the thoughts that he did.

By the time he made it down stairs he noticed Brian was already sitting at the table attempting to get food into his belly as Alex talked about what a great dinner she had at Liam's new place.

"It's such a lovely place I couldn't believe Liam could afford a place like that." Graham could tell Brian was listening, but not actually interested. "Well turns out the loft is Justin's place it was left to him by his old partner and they are selling it to afford a house in the country, I told them the house down the road was for sale, it would be so nice for them to be so close."

Brian looked up when she said the same Justin and that he was selling a loft. He felt a strange feeling wash over was it anger? Why did he not like the idea of the boy selling the loft.

Graham sat down as Alex put a plate of eggs and toast in front of him; his older sister was always very motherly to him, his stomach growled showing he didn't mind at all. As he ate he glanced up at Brian who glanced in his direction not showing any signs he remembered what he said or did last night.

Yet Graham couldn't help but feel his heart race pick up when Brian looked at him a feeling he never had before around the other man. He never had reason to, but he kept playing that dance in his mind, Brian's hips on his and he couldn't help but remember he enjoyed it, he couldn't help but play the kiss over in his mind. Brian was the type of guy all the girls wanted, but also all the gay men wanted as well. The type of man that Graham now wanted. He loved his sister, but he wasn't the type of guy that often cared what people he hurt to get what he wanted. He kept telling himself he would never have a chance with Brian and that he didn't want to hurt his sister, but the man he picked up at the bar last night was nothing like who Brian was.

"Alex tells me you found me last night." Brian told him, "Thanks, I don't even remember getting back."

"Do you-" he paused, "Remember when I found you?"

"No." Brian replied, to Graham it almost sounded to fast of an answer, but Alex didn't seem to notice.

"All that matters is he did, and all that matters is you promise not to scare me like that again!" she told Brian, "What caused all this?"

"Guess I just don't like fighting with my beautiful wife." He sighed as he stood up. "I'm sorry for worrying you and I'm sorry for missing dinner." He smiled and wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her. "I really am."

Alex smiled at her husband putting aside the anger she had for him, "Just don't worry me like that again."

He smiled kissed her one more time and replied, "I'm going to shower." And walked out of the room heading upstairs.

Alex sat down in at the table and looked at Graham worry in her eyes, "Did he say anything last night?" she asked, "When you found him?"

"Uh-" he thought about what he had been told by Brian, about his other family he couldn't remember the family that had died, about Brian's dreams of another woman. No he couldn't tell her that, "Nothing of importance." He wanted to tell his sister, but he didn't want to hurt her.

Alex smiled, "Hopefully he got what ever it is out of his system and he goes back to being my husband soon."

"What do you mean?" Graham asked, he thought Brian other then missing a few dinners was always a great husband to her.

"He just changed and he has been ever since Tristan was born, our marriage just isn't the same as it was." She told him, "I just-" she paused, "Don't know what to think I feel as if maybe there is-" she stopped, "What if he has found someone else who hasn't had two kids, someone who has the perfect body."

"Oh honey." Graham gave her a asft smile, "You are just as hot as you were before the kids, his issues have nothing to do with you, but more to do with his head."

She looked up at him alarmed, "His head? What do you mean his head?"

"It's just you know." He shrugged, "It must be hard for him knowing he has a whole past he can't remember and I think he just gets confused when he gets glimpses of things."

"So he did say something last night?" she asked

Shit. Graham thought, "I mean kind of I guess."

"What did he say?"

"Just that sometimes things seem familiar, but he doesn't know why, sometimes he dreams of things that feel real, but he can't recall." He sighed, "Honey I'm sure its normal for someone with the injuries he has to get confused sometimes, didn't you tell me the doctors said it was normal?"

"Yes." She frowned, "I just don't want to lose him."

"Talk to him." Graham said, "Really talk to him, maybe go out for dinner one of these nights I'll watch the kids."

"I don't want him to think I'm pushing him, what if I push him away?" she asked.

"Talk to him." Graham said, "I think that is all the two of you need, just a long talk get everything out in the open."

She looked at her baby brother and smiled, "I'm sorry to bother you with this."

Graham looked at his sister, "I love you and you've taken me in, gotten me on track I'm here for you. I don't think Brian is pulling away its just what his mother told him last night really messed with him."

She frowned, "So he did tell you something."

Graham sighed, "Yes, but I can't tell you it isn't my place, talk to him I'm sure he just doesn't know how to tell you."

* * *

 **AN- so review and let me know. Also haven't a hard time finding a beta reader if anyone wants the job just let me know.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN- another chapter, thanks for the feedback guys.**

* * *

"I can see it now." Liam grinned as he pushed Tristan on a swing as Justin held Kaylee who was sleeping. "Us parents."

"Yeah." Justin agreed, it had been nice that they had been babysitting Liam's niece and nephew lately. Graham had been watching them a lot as well, but recently he had been admitted to the hospital. Apparently Liam's sister was having a few problems in her marriage and had now was going to some kind of couples therapy with her husband. When they went Justin and Liam watched the kids. Justin didn't mind at all he remembered all the times he enjoyed watching Gus when he was young and he had a good way with kids.

"Higher, higher!" Tristan called out as Liam kept pushing him.

"Shouldn't you be able to do this your self?" Liam joked.

"It's more fun when you do it Uncle Liam." The boy called out.

"Our children will have you wrapped around their fingers." Justin laughed as he did his phone rang. Kaylee stirred in his arms, but didn't wake. He glanced at his phone and saw in was Lindsey. He carefully placed the baby in her stroller and answered. "Liam, I have to go to the gallery." He said as he hung up, "Will you be alright here with this kids?"

"I'll be fine." Liam sighed, "Alex and her husband are going to be here any minute to pick them up.

"I know I said the day was all for you, I'm sorry." Justin said seeing the disappointed in his fiancé's face.

"Babe I knew this about you before we even really started dating, it's what I love about you." Liam told him, "I know you'd rather stay here, but you are the bread winner." He smirked, "I'm happy to be the trophy wife."

"I love you." Justin told him he bent down and looked at the baby, "Bye little princess." He whispered to the sleeping baby.

"You're leaving?" Tristan asked as the swing came to a spot.

"I have to go to work." Justin told him.

"You and daddy would be perfect for each other." The boy pouted, "Always going to work."

"Sorry buddy." Justin gave a kind smile, "Next time I promise I'll stay the whole time."

After he said good bye Justin hurried to the gallery to meet someone who wanted to buy some of his art.

Liam didn't have to stay in the park with the kids long not five minutes after Justin left he heard Alex's voice as she came into view. Liam looked up to his sister and saw that she was wearing a pretty yellow sundress and of course wore a smile on her face, she always did. Like him she was also what someone might call a trophy wife. Following her was a man who looked more down to earth then his sister, he had his hands in his pockets and he seemed to watch his wife you could almost read on his face that he wondered where all her energy came from.

Liam didn't want to take his eyes off the man he was attractive that was for sure. Yet he felt like he had seen the man before. He couldn't figure out where, could it be a picture he had seen of their wedding? Had Alex showed him a picture before? No. It had been somewhere else.

"Daddy!" Tristan yelled as he jumped off the swing and ran over to his father. Brian grinned and picked the boy up as he crashed into him. He put the boy on his shoulders and followed after his wife who came to a spot at the swings and instantly bent down and picked up Kaylee.

"I'm Liam." Her brother said quickly extending his hand.

"This is Brian." Alex said as the two shook hands, "I'm happy you two have finally met."

"I've heard a lot about you." Brian said, Graham talked a lot about his brother not always good things. Brian could tell Graham was jealous Liam found so much happiness. When they had been younger Graham had always been the successful twin growing up, but after the accident everything changed.

"I hope good things." Liam grinned.

"Of course." Alex said as she put Kaylee back in the stroller, "Were the kids good?" she asked

"Of course."

"I thought you said you and Justin were taking the kids to the park?" Alex asked looking around.

"He had to work." Tristan sighed, "He just left."

"Sounds like someone we known." Alex said softly.

"Hun." Brian shook his head not wanting to start this argument they had just spent two hours in therapy trying to get her to understand why he worked so hard.

"It's something I'm used to." Liam shrugged, "I understand, I don't work and we both enjoy nice things so he has to work hard and bring home the bread."

"Perhaps you should have a conversation with your sister." Brian muttered.

"Brian!" she almost glared at him.

"I'm going to go pull the car around." Brian replied dryly.

"I want to go with you!" Tristan said as he gripped tighter to his father's head.

"Sure sonny boy." Brian said, "See you around." Then he turned and walked in the direction of the car.

Alex sighed as shook her head as Brian disappeared, but someone running up quickly interrupted her before she could say anything to her brother to apologize how Brian acted.

"I got all the way to the fucking car and forgot the keys." Justin muttered as he reached into Liam's pocket. "I'm going to be late."

Alex's eyes got wide when she heard Justin, she wasn't used to someone using any kind of bad language.

"Hey Alex." Justin said as he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then hurried away.

"Sorry." Liam told her, "He has a mouth on him, and I'm working on it."

"It's fine." She told him.

"How was your appointment?" Liam asked.

Alex looked away, "He's shutting down I can feel it." She tried to hide the tears that wanted to fill her eyes. "And he told me why today."

"What happened?"

"He said he misses his other family." She whispered.

"He has another family?" Liam asked confused.

"Remember how I said he had an accident and has no memory of his past?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Apparently he had a family he didn't know about, his mother just told him that they were in the car."

"That's awful!" Liam was shocked, who hid that from someone?

"He's been dreaming about them, he admitted he's been dreaming about a blonde, with blue grey eyes and a smile that could light up a whole room, apparently when you looked at it all you could think of was sunshine." She shook her head, "And he's been dreaming about her for a long time."

"I'm sorry." Liam said as he hugged his sister, "Honey just let him work through this, he probably doesn't know how to mourn a family he doesn't fully remember that has to be why he's acting weird."

"I know, but it makes sense now. Sometimes when he looks at me even from the start I know it wasn't me he was looking for, at times he scans a crowed looking for someone now I know it's her. And now it makes sense when he called Tristan Gus."

"His son's name was Gus?" Liam asked.

"Yeah." She brushed the tears away from her face, "Anyways, I should go find him."

"Just be strong, this will pass from what Graham says you two love each other." Liam told her.

"He seems closer to Graham these days then me, I'm happy he found a friend its just he tells Graham everything I just wish he trusted me that much." She unlocked the wheels of the stroller; "Anyways I'll see you soon."

Liam nodded to his sister as she walked in the direction her husband had gone.

* * *

Brian typed away at his computer as he tried to focus on work, but couldn't stop himself from wondering what happened to his life. Not long ago he thought he had it all, the perfect family and then the dreams started. He thought he loved Alex more then anything, but he couldn't keep himself from wondering if he loved her the way he loved the person from his dreams.

He couldn't get past his mother's lies, he even confronted his sister who admitted she knew the truth all along. He couldn't forgive his family no. He closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to ignore the soft echo of pain in his head, it was becoming so frequent now, the drumming in his head.

He had Alex hadn't spoken the whole car ride home after picking up the kids from her brother. After he dropped his family off at the house he drove to the hospital to see Graham. He wasn't doing well.

"All work and no play." Graham voice broke through his thoughts. Brian smiled seeing his friend was awake. He wasn't really sure why he had grown so fond of Graham over the past few months, but it seemed he could talk to the other guy. Around Graham he didn't feel like he was someone just going through the motions of life, he could really just be himself; who ever that was.

"Just catching up." Brian closed his computer; now that Graham was awake he didn't want to work.

"How are things at home?" Graham asked.

"Normal." Brian didn't want to get into everything; he didn't want to tell Graham how much his sister was hurting. Brian didn't want to hurt Alex, but he couldn't help what he felt. He loved his wife he knew he did, but he just wasn't sure if he was in love with her anymore. Maybe they had never been in love.

Graham took a deep breath and looked at his friend, "I had a dream the other night." His eyes scanned Brian's face, "You were in it."

"I was?" Brian asked smirking, he wasn't sure why he smirked it just seemed to sneak onto his face.

Graham grinned back, "Yeah, you were with that very grin."

"What grin?" he asked.

"The grin that says, 'hell yeah I'm Brian Kinney and I can get any fucking person I want.' The one on your face right now." Graham leaned back in his pillow.

"I don't see why 'that' grin would be on my face right now." Brian still didn't take the grin off his face.

"I'm on so much medication right now." Graham scanned Brian's face. "Just know that."

"Of course I know that, you are in a hospital." Brian let the grin slip from his face for a moment Graham was starting to worry him.

"That night awhile back." He paused, "When I found you."

Brian didn't remember much of that night but he nodded his head wondering what Graham was getting at. "I remember."

"No." Graham shook his head, "You don't."

"Are you alright Graham?" Brian asked.

"I-" he sat up in bed so his face was closer to Brian's. "I can't stop thinking about it, and it makes me think I saw you before."

"I don't understand what you are trying to say?"

Graham pointed to his head, "I've been messed up since I was young I don't remember much."

"From?"

Graham sighed, "I can't stop thinking about you." Then he leaned forward and kissed Brian.

Brian froze for a moment he didn't know what to do, he should of pushed the other man away yet he didn't. A strange feeling washed over him it was like some of the clouds cleared from his mind. His body just reacted as he took his hand and placed it on the back to Graham's head pulling him in tighter as he kissed him back. Something was so right about this moment he felt warmth within him he hadn't felt in a long time. Never once did kissing Alex feel like this, never once did holding Alex make him feel this way.

Then reality hit. He shouldn't be doing this, this was wrong. He was married to Graham's sister he wasn't gay. He pulled away quickly letting his hand fall away from Graham. As he stood his laptop fell from his lap and smashed to the ground.

As Brian pulled away it seemed Graham woke up from his medication haze. "Brian I-"

"I have to go." Brian said quickly he turned and left leaving his laptop behind. Graham watched as he hurried away, he hung his head he shouldn't have kissed Brian, why did he do that? He slowly picked his head up and watched the door way that Brian left out of as he realized Brian had kissed him back, Brian had pulled him closer, it was only for a moment but there was something there.

Graham thought about Brian's family and how they had lied about his past life. Graham wondered if maybe there was more to Brian's past that his family hadn't let on, he knew Brian's mother and sister hated gay people. Could they be hiding the fact Brian had been gay? And maybe just maybe Brian's true feelings were finding a way to resurface?

He closed his eyes and leaned back in his bed. He made up his mind he was going to pull through he was going to get out of the hospital and he was going to find out about who Brian was. In the end he knew if his theory was right his sister would be hurt, but she was already hurting and Graham knew Brian didn't want to. Graham knew Brian couldn't explain why he was pulling away. Yet if he got to the truth in the end everyone would be happier. The only way the whole family would or could be happy again was to dig up the past so they could create a future.

* * *

 **AN- I know this chapter is shorter then the others, but I've been horse showing this weekend and beyond sick, by the time I get in from the show I have no energy to do anything. Today I felt better and wanted to give you guys something. Next chapter will be longer I promise.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN- Another chapter, Review and let me know what you think. Reviews always inspire me to write quicker.**

* * *

I'm breathing in

And Breaking Down.

The fire in my heart

Will burn me to the ground.

Brian ran his hands through his hair as he took a deep breath. What happened in that hospital room had scared him, what happened? He felt guilty, had he led Graham on? Had he accidentally made himself seem interested? He thought back to the night Graham had found him in the club. At times he almost remembered what had happened that night, but he had thought he imagined it. Had he really danced with Graham? Had he really kissed him?

It came to him in flashes he could remember pulling Graham close, he could remember Graham telling him they had to leave he remembered grinding his hips against Graham. He remembered enjoying it, he remembered kissing his brother in law.

"Fuck." He muttered, what happened that night? What had he started? The better question was what happened that night that allowed his subconscious to take control? Did that mean a part of his past had been like that? It had felt so natural to pull Graham close, to hold Graham in a way that never felt natural holding his wife.

Brian continued to walk with his hands in his pocket. He just allowed his feet to walk he wasn't sure where he was going. He came to a stop outside what looked like some art show.

Not knowing what came over him he opened the door and walked inside. Few people were around looking at different pieces. He wasn't sure what his interest was in the artwork, but he couldn't keep his eyes from moving from one piece to the other. Brian came to a stop in front of one that seemed angry, but also sad. Two people were painted in the image one seemed to be fading away while the other just watched.

"I see you like this one." A woman said as she came up next to him, "The artist stepped out for a bit, but I'm sure he will be back soon."

"Justin Taylor." Brian said seeing the name next to the picture, "I've heard that name before." He wasn't sure where he had, but the name seemed like a light had turned on inside his head.

"I hope so, he was a huge success in New York." The girl said, "Anyways, I just started but I can go get Lindsey she is the gallery curator."

"No." he shook his head, "I should go. I don't need this." He took one last look at the photo. He turned to leave when another one caught his eyes, "What-" he looked closer the picture seemed a bit older then all the others, but it looked like a man lying naked. The man looked like him."

"Oh that one." The girl said with a smile, "That was one of Justin's first pictures that he sold back when he could still draw by hand."

An image flashed into his mind of a blonde boy lying on the ground covered in blood.

"It's strange how much you look like the guy in the picture." The girl said looking at the picture and back to Brian.

"I have to go." Brian said quickly. He began moving to the door, when he reached it he took one glance back. His eyes met with a woman for a moment. She was holding a wine glass and as their eyes met it seemed shock washed over her face as she let the wine glass fall from her hand. Brian turned away breaking the stare and headed out the door.

He allowed himself to disappear in the crowed, unable to hear the woman calling his name as she tried to push her way to him through all the people.

* * *

"You kissed her husband?" Liam asked his brother trying to not yell at his sick twin.

Justin smirked, "Fuck, I knew I'd like you."

"Shut up Justin." Liam shot him a glare. Liam knew Justin once lived a life where staying by one person's side seemed impossible, he knew Justin easily stood on the line between wanting one person in his life or many.

"I don't know, he kissed me first." Graham muttered. "When he was drunk, the way he pulled me close and danced with me." He leaned back on his pillow, "And the way he kissed me that night I couldn't stop thinking about it."

"You might hope this sickness kills you, because Alex will when she finds out." Liam shook his head, "That you want to steal her husband."

"I don't want to steal her husband, and he's strait so that won't work." Graham paused, "I think."

"You think?" Justin asked, "What's that mean?"

"Just, that night when I found him in the club I think I've seen him before." Graham told them.

"Of course you've seen him before, he's been with Alex for six years." Liam told him.

"I've seen him dance before." Graham told him, "I don't remember when, I don't remember where but I have seen him dance."

"No offense but can you really trust any of those memories from your club days?" Liam asked, "You were on god knows what back then."

"Something about the way he danced at the club I know I've seen it before, the drugs are why I can't remember when or where, but I know I've seen him before." Graham told them stubbornly.

"And now you think he's pretending to go strait?" Liam asked.

"No." Graham muttered, "I think he thinks he is strait."

Justin sighed and shook his head, "You love your sister's husband, don't you?"

"I don't love him." Graham muttered, "That isn't what this is about."

"Honey." Liam sat on his twin's bed.

"Don't honey me, the guy has no memory of who he is or who he was!" Graham told his brother and Justin, "He only knows the past his mother wants him to know, what if he was gay and she made up some lie to make him into the son she always wanted!"

"Do you know how crazy you sound?" Liam asked, "Who would do that?"

Justin sat down in the chair Brian had been sitting in only an hour before. A smell caught his attention. He closed his eyes as he remembered the first man he had ever loved. He could smell cologne that he had long ago forgot. He opened his eyes and looked over at Graham for a moment wondering if he had been wearing the smell.

"I don't know." Graham sighed, "Maybe I am sounding crazy, must be the meds they have me on."

"What happened when you kissed him?" Justin asked

"He-" Graham paused, "Kissed me back. Then ran away."

"How did he kiss you?" Justin asked

"Why do you want to know how he kissed?" Liam asked looking over at his partner.

"Because his reaction will tell us what he was feeling." Justin told Liam.

"He-" Graham thought back to the kiss, "Froze for a moment, then he took his hand placed it behind my head and pulled me closer." He smiled, "It was nice." He frowned, "Then he freaked out an ran away."

"Graham, if you need somewhere to stay, you can stay at the loft with us." Liam interrupted, "In case you don't want to go back to their house."

"If I get out of here." Graham muttered.

"You will." Liam liked that they were changing the subject, he was worried his brother was falling in love with a man he could never have, he was worried Graham was digging himself a very deep and dangerous hole. He couldn't go after Alex's husband the family would never recover from something like that. It had taken so long for the three siblings to come together Liam didn't want that all falling apart.

* * *

"You don't understand!" Lindsey was frantic as she spoke with Mel; "I saw him and he looked at me like he didn't even know me!"

"Well we always knew he was an ass." Mel told her partner.

"I just assumed he was sick." Lindsey shook her head, "I assumed he left because he didn't want people to watch him die, but he's here in the city!"

"Like I said, he's an ass." Mel told her.

"How could he not come see Gus?" Lindsey continued, "How could he stay away?"

"Because he's-"

"An ass I know!" Lindsey allowed herself to fall down onto the couch. "I almost wished he was sick all this time so I could excuse the way he left and never came back."

"I know honey." Mel said as she moved to sit next to her wife. "But you have to remember who he was, did you really think he would stick around forever?"

"You don't know him the way I did." Lindsey told Mel, "You might not understand him but it's just strange the way he left."

"Honey everything about him isn't normal." The red head sighed, "I thought you knew that by now?"

"But for him to just up and leave Gus behind?" she asked, "Something happened, maybe he is sick maybe he just doesn't want-"

"You will always make an excuse for him." Mel shook her head, it was a losing battle to try and make Brian seem like a bad guy in Lindsey's eyes she would defend him until the day she died.

"Just think about it after the bombing Brian changed he wanted a life with Justin he was ready to take on a life that wasn't about partying. How could that all change so quickly?" Lindsey asked.

"He's Brian Kinney." Mel responded, "No matter what happens to him, no matter what time does he will always belong dancing in a club."

"That doesn't explain why he looked at me and didn't even know me." Lindsey said, "Or why he walked into my place and didn't expect me to see him."

"Maybe he didn't know it was your place until he was already there, you said he had been studying Justin's work." Mel's face fell, "You can't tell Justin."

"Why not?" Lindsey asked.

"Do you really want him to throw his life away to chase after Brian again?" she asked, "Don't try and say it won't happen you and I know that it will. If Justin knows Brian is back in the end he will give up everything he has ever wanted and run back to him."

"Isn't Brian all he really wants?" Lindsey asked.

"No, he wants a life with one person, he wants to get married, he wants a big house and he wants kids." Mel told her.

"Brian was ready to give him that once." Lindsey defended.

"Do you really think Brian would have stuck around for that?" Mel asked, "Could you really see him as a married man with children in a big house?"

"No." Lindsey said, "I suppose I could never even imagine what that would look like."

"Because it would never happen, Brian Kinney would never get married, never buy a beautiful house and have kids." Mel argued, "Yes he asked Justin to marry him, yes he bought a house, but it would never last not with Brian. He would never be happy with that life."

"I think he would, with the right person." Lindsey said, "But I suppose you are right, Brian is staying away for a reason it would only hurt Justin if we told him." She paused, "And Gus, it would only hurt him if he knew his father was so close, but didn't-" she stopped herself, "Didn't come around." She never thought Brian would be like his father, she wasn't sure if she was sad or mad knowing Brian was staying away from his son when he was so close.

* * *

Justin smiled as he looked at some of his old pictures that Daphne had as he helped her pack. She was getting married in a week an moving in with her guy, so she had to pack up her apartment.

"Look how young we were." Justin said looking at a picture from their senior year.

"Back when it was the two of us against the world." Daphne said as sat down next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and smiled, "That was right before you met Brian."

"Then it all changed." Justin grinned.

"Here is one from Prom, I took it while you two were dancing." She smiled as he flipped to the new picture.

"I wish I could remember that clearly." Justin said, "I get parts of it sometimes."

"I wish you could too, it was magical, in that moment I knew you two belonged together." She sighed, "What happened to him?"

"I don't know." Justin sighed, "I wish I did, my biggest fear was he found out he was sick and didn't want anyone to know."

"I wouldn't put that past him." She said, "He was always so proud." She paused, "I hate to ask, but are you over him."

Justin looked at his best friend, he wanted to tell her he was, but she could read him she knew him. "I'll never be over him."

"Do you love Liam?" she asked

"Of course I do!" Justin looked at his best friend, "I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't"

"But if Brian walked through that door right now, what would you do?" Daphne asked.

Justin sighed, once again he wanted to say it wouldn't change anything, but in truth it would change everything. "I love Liam, Brian would never marry me."

"He wanted to once."

"Because he was scared, he thought I had almost died." He paused, "We never go married in the end."

"Because you left." Daphne spoke softly, "That was his biggest fear."

"He told me too." Justin defended himself.

"But you never came back." She looked at her hands, in truth Justin had been successful in New York at times she wondered if he forgot his friends back here.

Justin sighed, "I suppose I didn't, maybe if I had Brian would have stuck around." He paused, "I feel like he's going to pop up at any moment."

"Maybe he will, but Justin if he does don't throw everything you have away with Liam unless you know the life Brian will give you is what you really want." She paused, "No kids, no marriage, no house."

Justin looked at his hands, "The day Liam asked me to marry him I thought I saw Brian he was watching me."

"Was it him?" She asked.

"I don't know." Justin shrugged his shoulders, "Only a moment I thought I saw his face when I was about to say yes." He paused, "I doubt it was him."

"Why?"

"Because when I took a closer look he had turned around, wrapped his arm around a girl who seemed a lot like his wife and lifted a boy onto his shoulders. They looked like a married couple with a son and a child on the way."

"That most certainly wasn't Brian." Daphne smirked, "Can you imagine him ever marrying a woman?"

"Never." Justin grinned, but couldn't help but remember his disappointment that day when he realized the man wasn't Brian.

"Anyways, I wanted to tell you." Daphne said smiling. "Derek and I are having a baby."

"A baby!" Justin grinned happy the conversation changed, "Congratulations Daph."

"It was a bit of an accident, but I couldn't be happier, and he's happy too." She smiled, "I can't wait until you an Liam announce you are adopting or having a surrogate carry your baby."

Justin laughed, "That won't be a for a long time, sometimes I wonder if we are ever even going to make it down the isle."

"What?" She asked, "I thought you said you two were doing better?"

"We are." Justin gave a softer smile, "But as much as I want that life, marriage a house, and kids I have a hard to imagining it."

"You will be great at that life." Daphne told him, "I know it."

* * *

It had been a few days since Brian had been at the hospital, he wasn't sure what to think or what to do. The way Graham had made him feel scared him, the way he reacted scared him. He didn't want to ignore Graham and he valued their friendship they had formed, but he wasn't sure what happened. He walked slowly into the room and saw his friend was sleeping.

He sat down in the chair and just watched him sleep. He could think over everything that had happened. This time last year everything had seemed perfect. He could remember how happy he had been, how he had been able to smile and look at his beautiful wife and son. Back then he could ignore the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

The pressure that came from having a second child seemed to force the anxiety that he tried to hide forward. His eyes moved from Graham to the few photo on the side table. There was one photo from when Kaylee was born Brian, Alex, Tristan, and the babies were in the photo. There were a few photos of other people he was about to look away when one photo caught his eye. He recognized the guy in the photo as Liam, Graham's twin brother. Liam was smiling in the photo and a man stood behind him his hands wrapped around Liam in a loving embrace.

'In that moment I could see why Debbie calls you sunshine.' His own voice echoed through his mind.

He couldn't take his eyes off the photo; he reached up and took the photo in his hands bringing it closer. Both men were blonde in the photo, but the man that wasn't Liam had Brian's attention. He had seen this man before. He closed his eyes and tried to remember.

It came in flashes it was very hard to see or understand what was going on. The image was at night and it seemed either steam or smoke filled his eyes as he tried to see who was walking closer. The man in the photo seemed younger as he walked up and leaned on a lamppost or something. Their eyes met, beautiful blue grey eyes.

The same way the flash of an image came it left. His eyes focused back on to picture, he could swear the man in the photo had been the boy in that image.

"That's Justin and Liam." Graham's voice replied showing signs that he had just woke up.

"Justin." He muttered, "Justin."

"He's hot isn't he?" Graham joked.

Brian got pulled out of his trance, "I just thought I might have met him before he seems familiar."

"You've probably seen pictures of him he and Liam have been together for almost three years." Graham sat up in his bed; "I didn't think I would see you here again."

"Because you kissed me?" Brian asked putting the photo back.

"Brian I-" he didn't know what to say, what to do.

"It's alright, it's my fault what ever came over me the night you found me at the bar, I sent you the wrong signals." Brian told him, "It doesn't change anything."

"It doesn't?" Graham asked.

"No, at least I hope it doesn't I've really come to value your friendship since you came to live with us." He told him.

Graham smiled, "Me too."

"Good, so let's agree nothing happened." He paused, "I've just been a mess as of late, and I'm going to turn myself around I'm going to be a better husband to Alex it's about time I stop worrying about what ever was in my past and look to the future I have and not the past I can't remember."

"But what if there is someone out there looking for you?" Graham asked, "Have you ever wondered that?"

"You know they died in the car accident." Brian sighed.

"You don't know that, what if-" he paused, "There is more out there?"

"Are you trying to get me to leave your sister?" Brian asked.

"No-" he paused, "Yes."

"What?"

Graham sighed, "It's just I want you to be happy and I don't think that will ever happen with my sister."

"And why not?"

"Brian I've watched you this whole time I've been living with you. I've seen the way your eyes scan a crowed as if you are looking for someone every time we enter a room. I've seen the way you look at my sister I know you love her, but I also know you aren't in love with her." Graham looked at his hands. "I've seen what love is, being in love is and the way you look at my sister isn't how I looked at Ted."

"Ted?"

"A guy from my past." Graham sighed, "I loved him, but it didn't work and he really loved me."

"Why didn't it work?" Brian asked hoping to change the subject.

"My drugs." Then Graham frowned, "Anyways Brian if you really think you can work things out with my sister go for it, but if there is any part of you that agrees with my feelings, that believes in your dreams then figure it all out."

"I don't know how." Brian sighed, "I don't know how to make sense of my own mind."

"Maybe you should stop fighting it." Graham told him, "Maybe you should stop trying to make sense with your mind and just allow yourself to remember."

"You make it seem easy." Brian's eyes glanced back to the photo next to Graham's bed. His eyes found the beautiful blue grey eyes and blonde hair. "I'll never find the image I dream about anyways. Every time I see someone who is blonde my heart races, and then I see those eyes, beautiful blue grey eyes." He continued to look at the photo, "But no one ever had that smile."

Graham looked at the photo of Liam and Justin, "Why do you keep looking at that picture?"

"I don't know, but even that one his smile is all wrong." He paused, "Fuck I don't even know why I'm looking at a photo of a guy and hoping it will be the one from my dream. I know I had a girl friend who died with my son, I'm married to your sister I love her." Nothing ever seemed to make sense in his mind; speaking out loud sometimes just made it sound crazier.

"Brian I hate to break it to you, but a guy that is one hundred percent strait doesn't dance the way you did that night, doesn't kiss the way you did." Graham sighed, "That night seeing you at the club made me think of a time when I was at Liberty avenue, I don't remember the guy completely but he had a completely fuck you attitude he knew every guy there wanted to fuck him and he wanted to fuck as many as he could." He paused, "Seeing you in that club that night for some reason made me think of that guy." Graham shrugged, "I remember Ted said that guy was his friend, but was taken in a way he had a kind of boy friend, but the two messed around. I remember seeing those two dance together later that night. The way they danced the way they looked at each other." He smiled, "That was love, Brian what you have with my sister I don't know what that is I know there is fondness but I don't think there is love."

"I can't leave her." Brian looked at his hands, "But sometimes I do wish I never married her, I wish I figured myself out before I jumped into a relationship and a marriage and then children sometimes it just seems to much." He hadn't realized Alex walked into the room just has he spoken his last few sentences.

"Then don't worry about it." Her voice nearly broke, "we shouldn't go to therapy anymore, its clearly over because you think it never should have happened." She turned and hurried from the room tears in her eyes.

"Fuck" Brian muttered, he glanced at Graham who seemed just as surprised to see his sister walk in. Brian stood up without saying anything else and hurried after his wife.

I'm broken and I'm barely breathing.

I'm falling because my heart stopped beating.

This is how it all goes down.

* * *

 **AN- Another one, mostly filler next episode someone from Brian's past will finally bump into him, but who?**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN- Mostly a filler chapter, next chapter will be better.**

* * *

Brian sat across from Alex as at the kitchen table looking at his coffee cup. The kids had gone to Liam's loft earlier so they could talk. This time it was without a therapist, just the two of them. So far neither spoke a word. Finally Alex looked up,

"What happened to us?" Alex asked, "When did we lose us?"

Brian looked up to his wife and shook his head, "Honestly I don't know."

"We used to be great together." Her voice broke, "The last time I remember being happy was my sister's wedding, that dance."

Brian nodded his head, but he didn't want to let her know even in that moment his mind had been flashing somewhere else, to someone else. "It's my fault." He told her.

"It takes two to allow a marriage to fall apart." She whispered

"You've tried." Brian shook his head, "And I've pulled away it has nothing to do with you."

"Is this the 'it's not you its me?' explanation?" she asked giving him a soft smile trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

"It's not that." Brian sighed, "It really is me, my head it's not right."

"Brian you have to move past what you can't remember." Alex said, "If not for me at least for you, you can't keep torturing yourself this way."

"It's just I feel like I've forgotten something important and I have to remember." Brian told her, he looked at his hands then back to her, "Someone."

"I don't get it." She told him, "I don't get any of this, you loved me once what happened?"

"I never stopped, I love you I really do." He paused, "I just can't stop remembering parts of someone else?"

"What parts?" she asked

"Just glimpses." He thought back to the person he couldn't stop thinking about, "Blonde hair, blue grey eyes, and-" he paused, "A smile that-" he shook his head, "I can't explain."

"That is all you keep remember?" she asked, "You don't even see who the person is?"

"No." Brian shook his head, "But I can't help myself when I look around a room looking for that person."

"And you don't even know what she really looks like?" Alex asked.

Brian shook his head, "No."

"What if the person you are trying to find is the-" she stopped, "Is Lindsey?"

"She isn't." Brian told his wife, "Mother showed me a picture yesterday. She was blonde, but she didn't have those eyes or the smile."

"Then who is it?" she looked up at him.

"I don't know, if I did know who it was or what I was trying to remember then we wouldn't even be having this conversation." His eyes met hers, "But I've realized I might not be chasing anyone at all."

"I don't understand?" she frowned.

"What I do know is everything I've been feeling, seeing may not be real." He paused, "You are, Tristan is, Kaylee is. We are a family we are what's real I don't want to lose that, I don't want to lose any of you."

"So what does that mean?" She asked.

"I'm done." Brian told her, "Done with my erratic behavior, done with pulling away." He took her hands in his, "It's time I become a better father and return to being the husband I used to be."

Alex smiled at him, "Are you sure?"

In that moment he thought back to the picture on Graham's nightstand, which held his brother and brother's partner. "Yeah." He said smiling at her, but then his smile faded. "I need to tell you something though."

Alex looked down she feared he was going to tell her what she had thought ever since he had started to pull away. "You've been with someone haven't you."

"No-" he paused, "Er- maybe."

She looked up at him, "What does that mean?"

"The other day when I was at the hospital, Graham was on a lot of pain medication he didn't know what he was doing." Brian told her, "He kissed me."

Relief washed over her face, "That's it?"

"No." Brian sighed causing Alex to frown. "It was my fault I sent him the wrong signals."

"I don't understand? Do you want to be with a guy?" she asked.

"No." Brian shook his head "But I guess the night when he found me, I was to friendly I don't even remember it, well I remember bits but I didn't think I really did it."

"That's it?" she still felt relieved, "I thought maybe you found another woman in this time."

"No." Again the picture Graham had flashed into his head the blonde guy that Graham had said was called Justin. "I love you, there isn't anyone else."

"What happened when he kissed you?" she asked.

Brian looked down, "Honestly I don't know I might have kissed him back, but I pulled away at the same time." He paused, "I left quickly after that."

"Is he hurt?" she asked worried for her brother, "He always falls for guys he shouldn't, guys that hurt him in the end."

Brian looked at his wife shocked by her reaction she didn't seem to care that her husband and brother had kissed. "I wasn't trying to hurt him."

"I know." She sighed, "But he always ends up hurt."

"I went back and talked to him." Brian told her, "We are good, the two of us he agrees it was the drugs they had him on."

"So he's alright?" she asked, "He wants to come home?"

"He knows our doors are always open to him." Brian told her.

"So does this mean we are going to be alright?" she asked, "That I don't have to worry."

"We are going to be alright." Brian told her even thought deep down he knew he was wrong he didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to jump head first into the dark unknown that he couldn't remember. It was better to smile and he happy with what he had instead of wondering what had been or what could be. He needed to love his wife, he needed to put his best foot forward for her. They were married for better or for worse.

* * *

"So you excited for this weekend?" Lindsey asked as she and Justin walked around a store looking at clothing. Justin held Kaylee in his arms while Tristan had already dragged Liam to the toy store.

"Our engagement party should be a good time." Justin replied more focused on the shirt he was looking at.

"You don't sound excited. Most blushing brides it's all they can talk about." She joked.

"I'm not the bride this time." He smirked back, it was true when he was with Brian he could be seen as the 'girl' in the relationship, but with Liam he was the more dominant one.

Lindsey smiled at him, then her smile grew as the baby giggled on Justin's hip. "She is so cute."

"Reminds me of Gus when he was a baby." Justin said, which was true at a quick glance she almost looked just liked the young boy when he was her age.

"You know I was thinking the same thing." Lindsey said as she looked over at Justin, "It's uncanny how much she does."

"Spending time with her and Tristan-" Justin paused, "Makes me wonder if any of this is really in my future."

"What do you mean?"

Justin sighed, "I've always wanted this, a real relationship with kids and everything."

"You can have that." She smiled, "And I'm happy for you."

"Did you ever think I would?" He asked, "Back then, back at the start?"

"I never thought you would stick around." She replied, "Honestly I never thought Brian would hold on to you the way he did back then."

"You didn't seem surprised when he brought me with him when Gus was born." Justin added.

"No, but I didn't think that was something big either, I didn't think Brian would keep you around, but he did." She smiled, "I'm glad he did."

"I am to-" he paused, "Most of the time."

"Back to your question at first no I never thought Brian and you would have this life, but at the end I did start to believe maybe you two could have it all." She gave him a sad smile, "I believe you two really loved each other, what you had was something no one would ever understand, but people always want."

"They want someone who wants other people?" Justin joked.

"You know all Brian wanted was you, it would always be you." She smiled. "I love you Justin, but I-" she paused, "I want to make sure you are doing this because you really want to."

"Liam makes me happy." Justin told her moving Kaylee from one hip to the other.

"You don't need someone who makes you happy." She sighed, "You need someone that keeps you happy."

"Are you trying to talk me out of marrying Liam?" Justin asked frowning.

"No-" she paused, "I-" she paused again. "I just want to make sure you are sure, that Liam isn't like Ethan."

"He's nothing like Ethan." Justin added quickly, "He would never betray me."

"And you two are in love?" she asked.

"Why do people keep asking me that?" he frowned, "Yes I love him."

"But are you in love?" she asked.

"What do you mean? Yes I love him." Justin wanted to raise his voice, but he didn't want to startle the baby.

"No, in love I mean does he make your skin feel on fire when he touches you, or when life gets overwhelming and you feel like your drowning does just his smile make he feel like you can breath again?" she asked.

Justin sighed, "That's just a fantasy love isn't like that."

"It isn't a fantasy, that is how I feel about Mel and I'm sure Ben feels about Michael. Mel is who I want to walk through life with leaning side by side so I don't fall, is that what you want with Liam?" She needed to make sure he wanted a life with Liam, if there was any doubt she would tell him who she saw the other day.

"Why all these questions all of a sudden?" he asked.

"Years ago I asked you when it was all said and done and you became a famous artist who did you want beside you." She sighed, "Do you remember what you said right before you left for New York?"

Justin remembered that day Brian had been there sending him off as well. The last time he had ever seen Brian, held Brian. "Yeah I said Brian."

"So I just want to know, when all your dreams came true and you looked and saw Liam where you happy?" She hung up the shirt she had been holding. "Did you think of Brian?"

He wanted to say yes of course he was happy; he wanted to say Brian was far from his mind, but that wasn't true. "Lindsey I will always love Brian, I will always want Brian." He paused, "But when two people are meant to be together they will be together."

"If Brian walked through that door right now, what would you do?" she asked.

"Brian won't." Justin told her, "We all know why he left, he might not even still be alive." Justin looked down not wanting to say his worries allowed.

"He is alive." Lindsey looked down at her feet and back at Justin, "I saw him."

Justin felt his heart drop, he hadn't expected those words to come from her mouth. "What did-" he couldn't get the words out without his voice breaking, "What did he say?"

Lindsey sighed, "He was at your art show, looking at your work." She smiled, "I saw the way he was looking at it, he still loves you Justin I didn't want to say anything because I don't want to ruin what you have with Liam."

"So what did he say?" he asked again.

"Nothing, when I called his name he looked at me." She frowned, "He looked at me like he didn't even know me."

Justin fought stayed quiet for a moment, "Did he look healthy?"

"Yes."

"He's in town and he hasn't come to see Gus?" Justin asked.

"No."

"There you two are." Liam's voice broke their conversation.

"Look what uncle Liam bought me!" Tristan said smiling, "A new remote control truck!"

"Nice." Justin smiled pushing his conversation with Lindsey away he looked at her and smiled, "So we will see you and Mel at the party this weekend right?"

"Of course." Lindsey knew he wanted the conversation to end she didn't blame him. "We wouldn't miss it for the world, our little Justin and his engagement party who would have thought." She smiled and kissed him, "I should head home the kids are probably driving Mel crazy by now."

"I'll see you this weekend, tell Mel hi for me." Justin said as his friend left.

"So what were you talking about?" Liam asked as they walked back to their car. "Seemed pretty heavy in conversation."

"Nothing really, just the old days how she can't believe I'm getting married, she's known me since I was a seventeen year old kid who hardly knew his place in the world."

"She seems nice, I like her and Mel." Liam smiled, "I was worried your friends here wouldn't be like our friends in New York."

"They aren't." Justin said, "Everyone in New York was a couple."

"Well most of your friends are couples." Liam said, "Lindsey and Mel, Michael and Ben." He paused, "Well Emmet seems like a guy that still likes to party and your friend Ted well sometimes I wonder how he fits in." he thought for a moment, "Well that Ted guy seems familiar but I can't seem to figure it out."

Justin leaned into the back seat of the jeep as he put Kaylee into her car seat. "I know you miss our friends in New York, but some should be at the party this weekend." He said as he closed the door, "I'm happy you like the friends we have here."

Liam shrugged, "They are your friends if you like them I like them." He knew he wasn't speaking the full truth in truth Liam felt like an outsider. He knew all these people knew the old Justin, the guy that loved to party and enjoyed the life style where he was in a relationship, but an open one. They knew a Justin that Liam didn't know; they all loved the Justin that Liam could never love. He only hoped Justin wouldn't want that life style again. He also knew when it came down to it, everyone he knew here was Justin's friends and while they were kind to him if it came down to the two of them he would be left alone. At least he had his sister now, and his twin brother.

* * *

Brian walked with Graham who was pushing a shopping cart. Graham leaned on it letting it help him walk a bit; while he was released from the hospital the new medication they had him on often made him feel weak. They both followed Alex who was looking for an engagement gift for Liam and Justin. Both Graham and Brian rather not be in the store, but Alex insisted they stop on the way back from picking Graham up from the hospital. She had said it would be a quick trip. So far they had been walking around for an hour.

"Are you alright?" Brian asked noticing Graham seemed tired.

"Fine." He muttered, but really he was tired and hungry he wanted to just go back to the house, but he knew better then getting in the way of his sister and shopping.

Brian could tell he wasn't really fine, "Alex, Graham and I are going to go to the cafeteria and get some food and wait."

Alex turned to argue but took notice that her brother looked like he had to sit down. "Alright, I'll be right there."

Brian smirked and kissed his wife, "I'll believe that when I see it."

"Ha ha." She smirked as she walked away.

Graham and Brian found a place to sit and eat quickly and fell into an easy conversation,

"I still can't believe a furniture store has a cafeteria." Brian shook his head.

"It's not just a furniture store, it's IKEA" Graham argued.

"You have to be a woman or gay to get why anyone gets all worked up over this place." Brian smirked.

"Well they have good food don't they?" Graham asked.

"Their meatballs are good." Brian agreed.

"Yum balls." Graham smirked.

Brian paused as he put one in his mouth as he got the joke. He swallowed the food, "I'm going to go get a refill." He said quickly as he stood up.

Graham smiled as he watched Brian walk away he could tell Brian had gotten a little uncomfortable, but he still liked the look that flashed across the other man's face. At one glance it would seem a strait guy not knowing what to say to a strait guy, but there was something in Brian's eyes that made Graham notice something else. He could see a flash of amusement in Brian's eyes whenever something sexual was brought up.

"Graham?" a voice interrupted him watching Brian. He felt his heart drop as he saw the only man he had ever loved in his life. Ted Schmidt. Graham just looked at him it had been so long since he had last seen him, back when he was on his way to success, back before he had gotten attacked, back before he allowed his life to fall apart. The man he had left in pursuit of his dreams.

"Teddy." He whispered.

"It's been a long time." Ted paused, "Mind if I sit down."

"Go a head." Graham replied still not sure what to say.

"So." Ted asked putting on a smile, "How have you been?"

"I've been-" he paused, "I've-" he hung his head and sighed there was no use to lying. "Well life doesn't go how we plan does it?"

"No." Ted told him, "I suppose it doesn't"

"How have you been?" Graham asked, "Still doing that accounting thing?"

Ted smirked, "I got fired from that awful place I was at when we were together. I've played with a few other jobs since then, best one was working for a friend at his marketing firm." He paused, "I'm still there."

"How is that working for a friend?" Graham wasn't sure what else to ask he knew it was a dumb question.

"Well he isn't there anymore, he left a while ago his business partner runs it now and she's good." He paused, "Not as good as he was it's not nearly as highly ranked as it used to be, but it gets by."

"Well that's good." Graham said.

"And you? Are you still playing the piano? Ted asked, he remembered how great Graham used to be. He remembered listening to him play and telling him he was destined for greatness.

Graham looked down at his hands, his hands that couldn't play not anymore. "No." he muttered, "I was-" he paused, "A while ago I was attacked and after I couldn't play anymore."

"I'm sorry." Ted's heart fell he knew how important music had been to Graham, he remembered how happy the other man had been when he was playing. "What have you been doing then?"

Graham let out a sad chuckle, "Whoring mostly."

Ted opened his mouth to speak but he didn't know what to say, the Graham he knew was the type to only want one guy, the man that always spoke of a relationship with two people. A man who didn't want to have sex unless they were dating a man who had called sex, 'making love.'

"And drugs lots of drugs." Graham added.

"Me too" Ted said quickly, but realizing it was something stupid to say, "Well not anymore-" he stammered, "A while ago I got hooked, but not anymore." He began talking fast, "I mean sometimes I still want to, but I don't."

Graham smiled Ted was still the same when he got flustered he talked to fast. "Me too. I've been clean for almost a year since I've moved in with my sister and her family."

"You are talking to your family again?" Ted asked smiling, "That's great!" he remembered how bitter Graham had been when he spoke of his family who he had thought hated him.

"Yeah it's nice having family around now that I'm s-" he stopped and looked down.

"Now that what?" Ted asked he feared he knew what Graham was going to say.

"Now that I'm positive." Graham said looking up, "They actually just picked me up from the hospital I was sick for a bit, but I'm better now." He paused, "For now."

Ted's heart felt like it was breaking, he had loved Graham a long time ago almost twelve years ago. In that time he had thought Graham and him would have it all that they would live a happily ever after. Back then Graham had seemed larger then life, a hot guy who came from money, who was a genius when it came to music. Graham seemed to have the world at his feet, but for a year had seemed happy with Ted who was just a boring accountant. In the end Graham had wanted to follow his dreams, in the end Ted had been to scared to follow. He saw Graham had started to get into some drugs and looked the other way. They drifted apart and it had broken Ted. He let Graham leave and walk out the door without even asking him to stay without even fighting for him.

Now here Graham was, looking at him now Ted still remembered everything he had loved about him. He still had that kind smile, and his blonde hair still seemed to fall in his eyes never once seeming to be neat, but always seemed perfect at the same time. Yet he was different. Graham once seemed so full of happiness and life it was strange to see him on the border of broken. The light that he used to hold was gone faded to leave a person that looked only like a ghost of the man he used to be, but still Ted didn't want to look away. Still he was still Graham the one man Ted had planned a forever with.

"I'm sorry." Ted said he didn't want to hear about Graham's pain, because even though it had been twelve years since they had been together he never wanted any harm to fall on his old love.

"It's fine." Graham brushed it off, "I have my family now and my twin brother is getting married. I live with my sister her good husband and their kids." Graham smiled, "I'm happy I really am."

"And is there someone?" Ted asked.

"Someone?" Graham asked

"Someone you care about?" he asked.

Graham just looked at Ted, he wanted to say of course there was, but once again he couldn't lie. "No." he gave a sad smile, His mind flashed to Brian, "At least not someone who-" he paused, "Not someone that really see's me."

Ted almost didn't recognize Graham he once was so full of confidence, he was about to answer Graham's question, but Graham spoke first.

"How's Emmet?" he asked.

"Em?" Ted asked, "He's good, him and I gave it a try a while back."

"I always thought you two would end up together." Graham smiled.

"It didn't work out." Ted added.

"Oh." Graham paused, "Sorry."

"No my fault really, that was when I fell into drugs, I fell hard and drove him away by the time I got clean I hurt him to much." He smiled, "But we are still friends. I have someone else in my life right now."

"That's good." Graham looked down at his hands not sure what else to say.

"I should be going." Ted finally said after a moment of silence, "Em is bouncing around some where in here. I should find him."

"Alright." Graham gave a sad smile, "It was good seeing you again Teddy."

Ted smiled and nodded as he walked away kicking himself he didn't have the strength to ask Graham for his number.

Ted wasn't watching where he was going his mind racing to fast, he walked into someone carrying a drink, the drink spilled all over the two of them.

"Fuck!" the man growled.

Ted groaned as he got covered in the soda he looked up to apologie, but was stunned when saw who he had walked into. The man didn't look happy, but the man wasn't just any man.

Graham hurried over, "Are you alright?"

"Fine." Brian muttered, "Other then being covered in drink."

"Yeah." Ted agreed.

"You might want to watch where you are going next time." Brian growled.

"Brian!" Graham frowned, "Accidents happen."

"What ever." Brian still didn't sound happy.

"But-" Ted looked from the two, "You-" he paused, "And you-" he stammered, "But-what?"

"I'll help you get cleaned up." Graham said to Brian, he glanced at Ted wanting to say something more to him, but he wasn't sure what to say.

Graham left quickly to go get a paper towel to help some of the mess.

"What?" Ted still was confused, "You and him? You and my ex?"

Brian raised his eyebrow, he wasn't sure who this guy was, but he sounded like he knew Graham that he used to date Graham.

"So what if we are?" he couldn't stop the words from falling out of his mouth.

"But he's sick." Ted never thought Brian would be with someone who was positive unless, he himself was positive as well.

"So?" Brian didn't like that this guy thought less of Graham because he was positive.

"That means-" Ted shook his head, "All this time everyone-" he looked up sadly, "I hope the best for you."

"What?" Brian asked.

"Be good to him." Ted said, "I know you don't know how to be good to someone, to one person and only that person, but be good to Graham take care of him."

Brian didn't understand this guy he seemed to be making no sense.

"Of course you get everyone." The other man joked and turned to leave, "you always do."

Brian frowned he was going to ask more, but Graham came back and pulled him away to the bathroom to get cleaned up. When Brian turned back to see where the other guy went he had lost sight of him.

As Ted walked away his mind was racing. After all this time he bumped into Brian and he acting like nothing was going on, almost acted like he hardly even knew him. Brian truly was an ass, and now he was with Graham. The one that had gotten away. He now knew without a doubt Brian had left because he had gotten sick, like they had all thought and didn't want people knowing the truth he was now living a new life with Graham. He felt as if his heart was actually hurting, just thinking of Graham and Brian together hurt. In the past he had feared bringing Graham around his friends he had feared Graham would go to Brian like every other guy would. In the end it had happened. He had no idea how wrong his assumptions were.

* * *

 **AN- so what do you guys think? Review and let me know.**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN- Ok everyone short one but here you go. Sorry for the delay I'll try and be better.**

* * *

"You told him!" Mel almost yelled, "How could you?"

Lindsey sighed, "I don't know it just came out, I wanted to make sure he really wanted this with Liam."

"Come on, you know dropping Brian's name would make just leave Liam! What do you have against the boy?" Mel asked.

"Nothing, its just if Justin is willing to lose the last three years with Liam to chase after a maybe with Brian." She paused, "I don't want Justin to settle."

"He will chase Brian forever if he has to." Mel sighed.

"No." Lindsey gave a sad smile, "I told him I saw Brian and he isn't going to go after him."

"Really?" Mel asked.

"He still wants to marry Liam, maybe he really is over Brian." Lindsey told her partner.

"I never thought I would see the day." Mel sat down on the bed next to Lindsey, "It's kind of sad, as much as I never liked Brian I don't know I half expect him to come back and sweep Justin off his feet."

"I know and I just hope this is really what Justin wants and not what he thinks he wants." Lindsey leaned her head on Mel's shoulder, "He deserves to be happy."

"Yeah the kid does." Mel told her.

* * *

The party was in full swing by the time Graham and Alex showed up. Brian was going to follow behind a little while later after he dropped the kids off at his mother's house. The party was being held in Justin's loft, Graham loved the loft it was the perfect place for someone who wanted to bring people home from the bars, he wondered if maybe he could find a way to buy it from Justin when they moved to the countryside to start a family.

"Alex!" Liam yelled out, "Graham!" he hurried over to them, "I'm so happy you guys are here, most everyone here are Justin's friends."

"Why didn't you invite some of your own?" Graham asked.

"Mine are all in New York, you know me it takes me forever to make friends." Liam shrugged. "Justin's are nice. His closest friends are the two lesbians over there, Mel and Lindsey."

Graham frowned he couldn't remember why the blonde woman looked familiar he had seen her recently but he couldn't remember where.

"And then there is, Ben and Michael who are pretty good friends with Justin, and Michael's mom Debbie." Liam continued to point people out, "And Emmet"

Graham felt his heart beat faster he knew Emmet and where ever Emmet was Teddy wasn't far off.

"Oh and Ted, he just got here." Liam added not realizing that the Ted he was pointing out was the very Ted that Graham had always told him about.

"I need a drink." Graham muttered as he turned away from his brother and went to find himself a drink.

Liam shrugged and turned to look at his sister, "Where is your husband?" he asked.

"He's dropped the kids off we were running late so we came ahead his mother had some church thing to do before she could watch them." Alex smiled, "He should be here any minute, Where is your future husband?" she asked.

Liam was happy Alex and her husband seemed to be working things out. "He went to pick up ice it seems we didn't have any or something." Liam shrugged.

* * *

Brian knew he was running late, but he followed the directions Alex gave him. He parked his car outside the building the address led to. For someone reason though he felt like he didn't need to follow them it was almost as if he knew where he was going. As he walked into the building he looked around feeling as if he had been there before. He frowned he had never even been to this part of town except when he had to pick Graham up. His eyes fell onto the elevator he didn't bother to take his sunglasses off as he walked closer.

"Hold the elevator." A voice called out behind him. Brian turned to see a man standing hurrying up to him arms full of ice.

It was as if Brian had been spinning not really taking notice of anything when the blonde came into view, it was as if his vision snapped on the other man. He remembered the feeling that had washed over him when he and Alex were looking for a new car. He remembered feeling like he couldn't breath and then the almost image of a shorthaired blonde had made him breath again.

This time he wasn't having a panic attack, but the same feeling washed over him. All the worry and weight he had been carrying on his shoulders seemed to lift. In that moment when his eyes fell on the other man and it seemed everything wrong in his life could easily become right. He slowly lifted his son glasses off his face as he made eye contact with the blonde. Brian smiled, he didn't know why he smiled he just did.

Justin dropped the bags of ice he was carrying. He didn't know what to say or what to do. Lindsey had told him Brian was in town, but he hadn't expected him to come home. No. This couldn't be happening he was finally getting on with his life he was ready to jump in headfirst into everything that he and Liam could and would be. Now at his engagement party who showed up? Fucking Brain. He tried to hide the joy he felt seeing Brian alive and looking healthy he had feared the worst, but along with the happiness that Brian was alive there was also an uncountable anger that seemed set fire within him.

"How dare you." Justin growled, "How dare you show up here now?"

"Excuse me?" Brian asked the smile fading from his face.

"Fuck you." Justin said, but before Brian could say anything more Justin continued, "No, I talk you listen."

"What?" Brian was growing more confused as he saw the beautiful blue grey eyes showing nothing but anger and hatred.

"Leave here! Don't come back you can't come here." Justin shook his head.

"I'm just here for the party "

"No!" Justin growled, "you don't talk" tears formed in the blonde's eyes and Brian felt a pain in his heart he couldn't understand he had no idea why this guy was yelling at him.

"I-" Brian started, but was interrupted

"Fuck you." Justin said again, "Don't you come to that party you are not welcome." Justin bent down and picked up his bags of ice.

"Listen." Brian said, "I don't see what the big deal is."

"Big deal?" Justin asked dropping the ice again, "This is my engagement party and you are not welcome, asshole."

Justin then grabbed the ice and got into the elevator, "Don't you even think about coming up."

Brian watched as the guy disappeared. He just stood there in shock. He wanted to go upstairs and follow because he knew that was where is wife was, but that guy made it sound like he wasn't welcome. He tried to think rationally, but instead something else washed over him. Instead of listening to common sense and going upstairs to talk with the guy that exploded with him, instead of going upstairs and enjoying a good party with his wife he decided to leave. It wasn't worth the head ache of trying to go upstairs that crazy guy was just going to be up there.

Brian also didn't want to see the hatred in those beautiful blue grey eyes. Something hurt deep within him when he saw the look that washed over the other man's face. Something deep within him couldn't bare that look again from that man and he didn't know why.

He turned and left he wasn't sure why he did, he just did. It was as if a different personality washed over him a personality that just wanted to say 'fuck this.' He listened to the little voice in his head and he left. Without thinking without telling Alex.

A part of him didn't want to follow the guy a part of him wanted to leave and never see that person again. Why? He wasn't sure all he knew was looking at that guy had seemed to close to the image he had once seen in his mind. He got into his car and drove away as he thought about the guy the blonde short hair he saw in his dreams, the blue grey eyes, but the smile hadn't been there and the look in the eyes wasn't the same.

He just wanted to get away his head was pounding ever since he saw the other guy. His head didn't feel right for a moment it seemed like everything was spinning he could hardly make sense of where he was going. The thought that he shouldn't be driving washed over his mind right before he felt himself hit something hard. His head moved forward and smashed into the steeling wheel and everything went black. The last thing he heard was an echo in his mind of a voice that sounded like the guy from earlier 'no matter what happens you will always be in my heart.'

* * *

Justin kept taking deep breaths as he stood in the elevator he didn't want to move he knew he looked like he had seen a ghost because he had. He thought he had handle his encounter well he had fought every urge he had to just forgive Brian and jump into his arms. What was wrong with him? How had that thought even crossed his mind to just forgive Brian leaving for six years? He had almost been willing to leave Liam upon just seeing Brian.

He was happy he didn't follow his heart and he allowed his brain to react, perhaps it reacted a little hash, but he couldn't allow Brian to talk, if Brian had he would have said very little and convinced Justin to follow him blind again. No he couldn't do that, he wouldn't do that. He wanted a family he wanted a house he wanted to be happy. Brian couldn't or wouldn't offer that.

Again a wave of anger washed over him when he realized Brian picked this moment to come back, this moment at his Engagement party. No doubt he had wanted to make a scene in front of people making a grand entrance with some well thought of excuse to why he had been gone so long. Brian probably thought he could walk through the doors of the loft and Justin would just forget all the pain of the past that he would leave Liam in an instant. While Justin had fought every urge to do so he was proud of himself for being able to fight any power Brian had over him.

Taking a deep breath Justin counted to ten and put on a smile, he couldn't tell anyone inside that Brian had been here, if he did Liam would only get upset and think the party was ruined. And everyone else would begin to doubt the wedding would happen. No the wedding was going to happen it didn't matter if Brian showed up and objected to the whole thing. Justin wasn't going down that road again he was over Brian, while a part of him would always love Brian and Brian would always have a place in his heart he had to move past him, he had to be his own man. He was happy settling with Liam.

He paused as he was about to open his door, had he really just thought that Liam was 'settling' he felt a sense of panic wash over him, would anyone who wasn't Brian always be settling? He shook his head, No. He loved Liam; Liam was everything he wanted he was everything Brian wasn't. He was going to have a happy life with Liam without Brian in his life.

* * *

Alex frowned as Brian's phone went to voice mail yet again. She had thought things were getting better he had promised to be here over and hour ago. Brian had really been trying as of late. He came home from work when he said he was going to and he spent lots of time with the children. Life seemed almost normal again, but him not showing up today made her angry. She had told him how important it was for Brian to meet her brother, she had told him how much she wanted him here and now he wasn't going to show up.

"Still no answer?" Graham asked as he walked up trying to avoid Ted and Emmet.

"No." She sighed trying to hide her anger, "I should have known he wasn't going to change."

"Honey don't over react maybe something came up." Graham said to his sister, "He's allowed to make mistakes."

"He knows this is important." Alex told her brother, "He knows I told him and he promised."

"Just have a good time, the kids are with his mother and you are here with me." Graham grinned, "Let Brian do what he wants to do or what he needs to do."

"I want him to want to be here." Alex sighed, "I want him to want this, to want us again."

"He said he did, right?" Graham asked

"Yes."

"Then stop worrying, have a drink and be my fun loving sister again who isn't to stuck up to get a drink." Graham teased.

"I'm not stuck up!" she glared at him.

"When was the last time you let lose?" Graham asked.

'Yeah Sis?" Liam asked walking up, "Form what I remember you used to sneak back into the house loaded all the time in high school."

"That was a long time ago, I'm a wife and mother now." She told them.

"So are they." Liam said pointing to Mel and Lindsey who were laughing and drinking."

Alex sighed, but allowed herself to follow her brothers who happily lead her in a direction that she could let lose and just have a good time.

* * *

 **AN- Review and let me know what you think.**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN- A lot is going on in my life, I'm trying to get chapters out as much I can I'm going to get better, I hope. This is horse show season though and my horse and I are gone competing most weekends and currently I don't have days off.**

 **And once again I know the Prom dance didn't have the song I used in this chapter and chapter two in the original showing, but I only started watching QAF on Netflix and this was the song that played during the Prom dance on Netflix.**

* * *

' _Everyday no matter what you do darling I'll stay true and then you'll see That when you doubt what love's about. Baby you know it's true. Oh I could never go. Because I know and deep down you know it too. That you're mine and I'm the only one for you. That you're mine and I'm the only one for you. 'That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

The radio played softly in the background, but Alex paid no mind. She walked into the room and switched off the radio.

Alex moved the vase of flowers on Brian's nightstand. "I know you don't like them." She said to him, "But it does brighten up this room." She smiled looking over at her husband. "And this room needs some brightening up." She took his hand in hers hoping, wishing she would feel him squeeze it back.

"Hey girl." Graham said as he came into the room, "you are playing with those silly flowers every time I come in here."

"What else am I supposed to do?" She sighed.

"Talk to him." Graham told her, "Let him know how everyone is."

"It's been four months Graham." Her voice got soft, "Nothing is going to change."

"He's strong." Graham said, "He will pull through."

Alex looked over at her husband who lay in the hospital bed, "That car accident was bad." She whispered. "He hit his head the doctor's say due to his old brain injury a part of his skull never fully healed, when he hit his head his brain had no protection at that part." Her voice broke, "They don't think he will ever wake up again."

"You've got to hope." Graham told her softly, "He's strong he'll pull through." He pushed some of Brian's hair back and smiled at his friend.

"You don't know that, the doctor's say he may never wake and if he does they have no way of knowing what kind of damage this accident could have caused." She looked down, "The day it happened I was so mad at him that he didn't show up, but he didn't show up because of this."

"How could you have known?" Graham asked.

She brushed away the tears that started to fall as she glanced at the clock, "I need to go and pick up the kids."

"I'll drive you." Graham said softly as he gave her a little smile he knew his sister wasn't doing well, he knew she doubted her husband would wake up. To tell the truth Graham was beginning to doubt Brian would wake up it seemed where ever Brian had fallen away in his own mind nothing would reach him.

* * *

"You had me worried Daph." Justin said sitting on her hospital bed.

"I had myself worried." She sighed as she let her head fall back onto the pillow, "I've never experienced that pain before."

"Well better be safe then sorry." Justin told her he placed his hand on her growing stomach, "You want to make sure you and the baby are healthy." Before Justin could say anymore his cell rang. "I'll be right back." He said as he answered and walked out of the room.

Liam was panicking over wedding planning and called Justin to see what his opinion was, truthfully he didn't care for some reason his heart wasn't in planning for the wedding he had allowed Liam to take the reins on the whole thing. So when Liam called him panicking over the color of something Justin couldn't remember he spent most of the conversation trying to calm Liam down and convince him it wasn't the end of the world.

By the time he hung up he wasn't even sure where he had walked through the hospital he turned around glancing to see if he remembered how to get back, but he hardly remembered walking let alone where to go. It was as if his feet had just carried him to a place they wanted to go and his mind had nothing to do with it. He sighed and began walking back in the direction he thought he had come, but he froze when his eyes fell on one window that looked into a room that held a man hooked up to a machine that was breathing for him.

A panic washed over him and a feeling that felt like his whole body was about to shatter. The man lying in the hospital bed was Brian. He didn't care if he was allowed or not allowed in the room he couldn't stop himself even if he wanted to. Before he knew it he was by Brian's side tears filled his eyes, this couldn't be happening. He didn't know what to say or what to do. Brian was laying almost life less in this bed and the machine made his chest rise and fall. What happened to him? When had this happened?

"Brian." He whispered as he took his old partner's hand in his. "Oh god no."

He wasn't sure how long he sat by Brian's side but he didn't want to leave he couldn't leave. He sat at Brian's bed side and talked about their life together and recalled the moments in his life that he would never forget. He told Brian he had finally fully remembered his Prom he remembered dancing with Brian he remembered smiling as he held the man he knew he loved. He talked about the life they could have led if they had gotten married, if he hadn't gone to New York. Then he told Brian about the life he now lived, he told him about Liam and about how happy they had been in New York.

"It was hard losing you." Justin whispered, "And it was hard seeing you again." He thought back to the last time he had seen Brian he knew he had over reacted and every night since he regretted sending Brian away. Parts of him imagined that day over and over again and each time he ran to Brian, said screw the party and the two of them ran off together. "And it's harder seeing you like this." He paused as his voice broke, "But please Brian don't go out like this. Come back, please come back to me and wake up."

After a while a nurse came in and noticed Justin, she told him he couldn't be there. Still he didn't move until she threatened to call security. Before he left Justin leaned down and placed a kiss on Brian's lips, "Come back to me." He whispered in Brian's ear before he left

* * *

Everything was so dark and everything hurt so much. His head, his body everything. What happened? He couldn't make out anything he couldn't feel anything other than the pain. When would it end it seemed like it would never end, the pain seemed forever the darkness seemed do dark no light would ever get through. Every time he tried to make sense of what was going on it seemed his head would spin, everything in his mind would spin he couldn't make sense of any image any sound that found its way in.

As time wore on, how much time he wasn't sure he could make out some voices around him. He knew when his wife came into the room, or Graham and even the children but he never knew the voices of his nurse. Some times he would pay more attention then other times, but also as time wore on he go used to the idea that this was his life now. Surrounded by darkness.

One day he was beginning to think he would never leave his prison in his mind and that things would never change. He heard a song he wasn't sure if it was on the radio or really where it had come from, but he remembered it from the time he danced with Alex at her sister's wedding.

' _When I hear everybody say that old Clichy about the fish in the sea.'_

The song echoed a few times in his mind. He could see the time he danced with his wife together they had glided across the dance floor as the old song began to play.

Then a pain flashed through his mind sharper then most of the pain he had felt since he had been stuck in this place.

He could see himself dancing with another man he knew it shouldn't feel right but as he saw himself place a white scarf around the boy's shoulders he couldn't help but feel a flood of happiness wash over him.

' _I'd just laugh because they have no clue how I feel for you.'_

Then once again he flashed to the night with his wife Alex laughed throwing her head back slightly as he grinned watching her,

The pain hit him again and in a flash the blue grey eyes came into view laughing in her place echoing every move she made.

Pain filled his mind again he tried to make sense of the two different dances, one had to be real and one had to be a dream right?

' _You're the one for me and when you doubt what's loves about baby, you know it's true.'_

Alex smiled as Brian remembered holding her in the dance. He remembered thinking that moment was perfect and a moment all of its own, so why now was he remembering a moment much like it, but entirely different.

He saw himself dancing with the blonde again holding him close looking like they were at Prom together. Holding the boy made him feel complete, a feeling far greater then when he held his wife.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

Brian spun Alex watching as she spun, and again the pain flashed he seemed to be removed from the room he was currently in and moved into another, people were watching him dance much like the very moment, but he was spinning someone else, blue grey eyes with blonde hair and the light shinning around his partner almost made him look like sunshine.

Once again the image left him and he saw his wife spin and he couldn't help but smile at her.

' _I'm still here I'm still standing by while you're wandering eyes look the other way.'_

She laughed as he wrapped her in his arms again brining her close after the spin. Then the pain again and he saw the boy laughing as Brian wrapped his arms around him bringing him close so their faces were only inches from each other.

' _And to think just because you're cruel I'm a fool because I stayed.'_

He smiled down at her as she looked to him. Then he saw the boy again standing in her place. He knew this boy this had to be real he had seen him before.

' _But when you doubt what love's about baby you know it's true.'_

He saw the boy's smile it became the brightest image in his mind that seemed forever sounded in the black darkness he had grown accustomed to. The smile was the smile he saw in his dreams.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

His mind flashed back to the dance with his wife her smile looking at him showing nothing but love. As if fighting each other the image of the boy smiling followed his wife and he could feel himself smiling back at the blonde.

' _Cause right from the start I knew in my heart. That we were meant to be.'_

It seemed the song was getting farther away as more pain filled his mind. He didn't want to let go of the image in his mind, it seemed it was to much to think of his wife and the blonde, he knew he had to make a choice of which person to hold on to.

' _I don't care go have you're fun when it's over and done come back to me.'_

He knew it should be easy to decide what image of which person to hold on to, he should pick his wife, he should choice the woman he decided to spend his life with. He began to focus on her smile and tried to let the boy's smile slip from his mind.

' _Everyday no matter what you do darling I'll stay true and then you'll see.'_

The song still played but it seemed to get farther away. He tried to keep hold on his wife's smile he tried to keep the darkness away, but it seemed her smile wasn't strong enough. He was slipping away he could feel himself fading.

' _That when you doubt what love's about. Baby you know it's true.'_

He had to find something else to hold on to, not only could he feel the darkness filling him he could also feel his strength fading he couldn't keep this up anymore. He couldn't keep fighting.

' _Oh I could never go.'_

He was letting go there was nothing he could do, he almost couldn't hear the music anymore he almost couldn't see his wife's image anymore.

' _Because I know and deep down you know it too.'_

Why should he fight anymore? Why should he want to stay in this pain? He wanted to let go he wanted to fall away and not feel any pain anymore.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

As he was just ready to let go and let everything he cared about fall away, one last sharp pain stabbed his mind.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

As he felt the pain he lost the image of his wife, this was the end it was over. It was over everything started to go dark he was slipping away to a place he would never come back. Then he saw those beautiful blue grey eyes first. They seemed to look right at him daring him to let go. Then the smile faded a smile that made him want to hold on forever just to see it again.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

Then someone switched off the song. The eyes and smile faded from his mind. He could feel that last strength begin to wash away again. He didn't want to fight anymore.

Again Brian was slipping away he was only slightly aware of his wife and Graham in the room, and for the first time he didn't care she was upset he just wanted to be done with this world done with the pain. He couldn't fight not anymore. He was aware they left the room. He held on long enough so his wife wasn't in the room when he gave up. He wished he could hold on for her, but it was impossible for him to wake up this was the only way to move away from the pain and allow his wife to move on with her life.

He could tell someone else was in the room, but he didn't care this was the end there was nothing left. Yet for the first time he felt something physical. Who ever came into the room took his hand and for the first time since he got locked in this pit of darkness he could feel something other then pain. He could feel a warmth wash over him.

Who ever was holding his hand seemed to awaken a fire that was just slight embers only second ago. Who had just walked in? Who had just taken his hand? Who was making him second-guess letting go simply by the touch of his hand?

He knew when people talked to him and he knew voices, but he never could understand them. He knew who was talking by sounds, but never once did a single word make sense, until now.

"Brian." The voice whispered, a voice he knew, but couldn't remember. "Oh god no." the man's voice whispered.

He could hear the man talking, but once again he could only hear a voice and not understand the words, how long was this guy sitting with him? How long had he been talking, but time didn't seem to matter. This person that was talking was making him hold on longer, making him not want to disappear forever. This man's voice made him want to fight.

Another voice started up and he could feel the man let go of his hand.

'no.' Brian thought he didn't want the man to leave.

He could tell the man had stood up and was about to leave. He tried to focus on his hand so he could only reach out and grab the person to stop him from leaving, but his hand and mind failed him.

It happened fast he could feel someone lean over him and a pressure on his lips. The man had kissed him. He tried to will his eyes to open to see who this person was to make sense of what was going on. Why did this person make him want to fight more then his wife did?

The man whispered softly, "Come back to me.'

And when Brian heard those words he knew he had to find a way to wake up, he had to find a way to open his eyes.

 _'Justin.'_ He thought ' _How could I forget_.'

For a brief second his eyes seemed to work, he was able to allow them to open for a second, but a nurse had was looking at his chart and not at him and Justin was walking out the door, he wanted to call out, but just the simple movement of his eyes fluttering open seemed to drain him of everything he had. Unbearable pain filled his head again, but he knew he couldn't let go he couldn't quit the fight. He had told hold on to the image of Justin, he had to wake up and tell the man he loved everything. Justin must think he had walked away; he had to think that Brian didn't want him anymore.

Everything became so clear as Brian allowed his eyes to shut he could remember the day of his first accident. He remembered sitting in the loft and realizing he didn't want to live his life without Justin in it every day. He had gotten in his car with intentions of going to New York, only he had never made it.

Again he tried to wake up this time he was able to open his eyes and his eyes fell onto the nurse who was looking at him this time. He saw shock on her face and heard her buzz for help. A crew of people rushed him and took the tubes out of his throat as the realized he was waking up.

As everything began to calm down the moment of clarity that had woken him up fell away. The clear images and thoughts of his mind fell away again. The car accident, the realization of who he was and even who Justin was. In moments he couldn't remember Justin anymore and was once again left with only the image of blue grey eyes and blonde hair and a smile that pulled him through the darkness like sunshine after a bad storm.

* * *

 **AN-Ok so this is my first time trying to write in the mind of someone in a coma. I hope everyone can understand it. As it makes sense to me, but sometimes when I write things make sense to me, but not to others.**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN- Hope everyone is still enjoying this story.**

* * *

Alex walked up to Brian's mom's house she had left the kids there while she went to visit at the hospital. It had been a hard few months without Brian, but his mother had really stepped up. She was a god send she made dinner for the small family and she helped watch the kids when ever she could.

When Alex go to the front door she didn't bother to knock and went right into the house like she always did. She was about to call out when she heard hushed voices from the other room.

"What if he wake up mom?" she heard Brian's sister ask, "What if this knock to the head makes him remember?"

"He won't head injuries don't work that way." His mother replied.

"You don't know that." His sister continued, "You know as well as I if he remembers who he really was he will leave Alex and this life in a second, this isn't him the life he is living is a life he never wanted."

"He's happy now." His mother answered, "That's all that matters."

"No." his sister whispered, "You've played god with him and because of that Alex and the children will suffer."

"I did no such think." Brian's mother sounded insulted, "I helped him move from his sinful ways."

"You don't just move past what he has done." His sister told her, "You don't just change."

"He has, and he has no memory of those people." His mother snapped.

"He does!" his sister almost yelled, "At Christmas he called Tristan, Gus."

"That doesn't mean anything." His mother argued. "I've taken care of that, I told him his son died with his mother in the accident."

"Lie after lie." Brian's sister sighed, "How can you keep up with them? He is your grandson after all."

"He's being raised by two lesbians." She snapped, "That best friend Brian had, that awful girl was into women the whole time."

"He is still your grandson, just like my sons and Tristan." His sister argued.

"Since when did you care for the gays?" his mother asked.

"I don't I think its awful just as much as you do, but I don't think you can keep tricking Brian, if he wakes up one day, maybe not anytime soon, but one day those people of his past will find him."

"They aren't looking for him. They knew his personality they knew who he was. They probably think he got sick and died it happens among those people all the time."

"He had a family mom." His sister sighed.

"That was not a family god would recognize." She snapped.

"But he was happy." She sighed, "And he isn't now."

"You don't know that." She again snapped, "You didn't know him back then."

"I did, I didn't want to because I was always so jealous of him doing what he wanted when he wanted, and seeing the look in his eyes, so wild and free." She paused, "But also in love I wished my husband looked me that way."

"Enough of this, Brian loves Alex and that is that."

"Not the same way, his eyes are so dull now he seems broken." His sister sighed, "He'll figure it out eventually, I just don't want to be here when he does." Alex heard Brian's sister get up and so she quickly slipped back out the door. She raised her hand to knock, but the door opened before she did. Both Brian's mother and sister stood in the door way, both looked surprised then quickly put on smiles and greeted Alex as she came inside.

* * *

Brian had now been awake a few hours the doctors had called his wife and they were only now waiting for her to arrive. While he waited Brian tried to remember what had happened while he was asleep. He knew his mind hadn't been silent he knew he had been thinking about something, someone, but who?

He sighed as he leaned back on his pillow when he heard a knock on the door. He smiled looking up and expecting to see Alex, but his smile faded when he saw the man from the engagement party that sent him away.

"Brian?" The man asked his voice soft tears in his eyes, "You're awake."

Brian continued to frown and the guy wondering why the man was looking at him the way he did. Those blue grey eyes that belonged to the man were fixed on him tears threatening to spill over. "What-" his voice broke it had been a long time since he last spoke, "Are you doing here?"

Justin moved forward to Brian's side. "I'm here for you."

Brian still was confused, what did this man have to do with him? He was ready to send the guy away, when his eyes fully took in the man. Blonde hair, and blue grey eyes and hidden behind the faltering sad smile seemed that joyous smile that he had seen before, but where? "Why?"

Justin frowned as Brian looked at him, why would he ask that? Why would he doubt that Justin cared for him? "I-" he paused. "Just-" he looked down, "I didn't mean what I said."

"What you said?" Brian asked, did he know this man?

Justin sat down in the chair next to Brian and took his hand in his. "I should have never sent you away."

Brian continued to frown as he looked at Justin.

"I love you." Justin whispered, "I always will."

Brian pulled his hand away and looked at the boy, "I'm married." He muttered.

Justin wasn't sure if his jaw had dropped open or not, but he felt like it had as he was at a loss for words, "Married?" he managed to asked.

"Six years." He showed the man the ring on his finger.

Justin had thought he knew what heart brake felt like, but he had been wrong. After all the times he thought Brian broke his heart in the past it was nothing for what he felt right now. Brian never believed in marriage, never. Only that once did Brian act like it could be an option. Over the time Brian had been gone Justin imagined many different things that would take Brian away, but marriage was never one of them. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think Brian would run off and marry someone else. Justin shook his head as if trying to deny it, but couldn't form any words.

"What is it with you people?" Brian asked.

"Us people?" Justin asked.

"The gays." Brian sat up, "What do I do that draws men to me?"

"You." Justin frowned, "You always drew everyone."

"I think you should leave." Brian said as a soft pain starting in his head.

"Brian pleases." Justin whispered, "I love you."

"I don't love you." Brian told him.

"Don't say that." Justin felt his heart falling to pieces, "Please don't say that."

"Leave." Brian told him the pain becoming greater. Then something else washed over him a voice inside his head that wanted to scream out, a voice that wanted to tell the boy to stay.

"Brian!" Alex's voice almost yelled as she rushed into the room and almost threw her self onto the bed wrapping her arms around Brian's neck and sobbing.

Justin stood up and moved backwards at a loss for words, what was going on?

"I thought you would never wake up." She sobbed, "I thought I lost you."

"Nah." He smiled as he hugged her smiling, "You couldn't lose me if you tried."

Justin felt like he had lost his mind, what was going on how could this be real. This man looked like Brian, but didn't act like him. The tears were still running down his face.

Alex sat up and laughed slightly as she brushed the tears from her face, "I'm a mess." She smirked at him, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Brian said softly looking at his wife, he smiled she must have been the image he held onto while he was in a coma he must have fought his way back to her. "I'm sorry." He said softly.

"For what?" she asked.

"Making you worry." His told her.

"I'm your wife, it's part of the job description." She smiled at him.

"Wife?" Justin wasn't sure if he yelled or asked the question, all he knew was none of this made sense, "Wife?"

"Justin?" Alex asked looking up and frowning, "What are you doing here?"

"You know him?" Brian asked looking from his wife then to the blonde man.

"Yes, this is Justin, Liam's fiancé." Alex told him, but then looked at Justin confused.

"You are married to him?" Justin asked, "And you to her?"

"Yes." Brian looked at the man wondering what was wrong.

"This isn't happening." Justin shook his head, "How is this happening? After all this time!" now the breaking in his heart still hurt, but anger was filling him. "How could you do this to everyone to your son?"

"Tristan?" Brian asked.

Justin shook his head thinking of how all this time Alex had mentioned her husband she was talking about Brian, that the kids he baby sat all the time were Brian's kids. "No." Justin glared at him, "Gus."

"How do you know that name?" Brian asked remembering the name of his son that died, the one his mother had only recently told him about.

"I named him." Justin almost yelled. "He thinks his father is either dead or doesn't care about him, and let me tell you I wish you were dead."

"Justin!" Alex gasped, "Why would you say such things."

All the relief Brian was awake faded away and the heartbreak completely turned to anger, "How could you do this?" he asked, "To Gus? To Lindsey? To me? To everyone!"

"Do what?" Brian asked.

"Fuck you." Justin growled, "Fuck you."

"What's going on in here?" Graham asked surprised by the language, but Justin never answered he just stormed out of the room.

"He's out of his mind." Brian muttered, but as the man left he felt strange, a part of him wanted to get out of bed and stop him and explain everything, but what did he have to explain? Why did he want to chase after the man and never let him go?

"I think it's time everyone left." A nurse said walking into the room alerted by the yelling, "He has only just woken up, this is far to much stress." She turned to look at Brian, "I think it's time you got some rest."

Brian wanted to argue, but he knew he felt tired, he knew he wanted to shut his eyes.

"I'm sorry about that." Alex said to the nurse and turned to look at Brian, "He usually is such a nice boy, I don't know what came over him." She leaned down and kissed him, "We can figure this all out later."

Brian nodded his head and smiled at his wife, only he wanted to frown because her kiss hadn't made him feel anything, she wasn't who he wanted in this moment, so who was? For a moment the image of the man who left angry flashed to his mind, but he couldn't help but wonder what that man knew? And what made the man so angry?

* * *

Alex had to step outside while the doctors came into the room her eyes scanned the hallway as she took in everything that had happened in the last few hours. She had started out thinking her husband would never wake up, then she heard his mother admit to lying about his life she still didn't know what to think of everything she over heard, she got the call he had woken up and quickly forgot what she had over heard and rushed to his side, but that strange scene that happened with Justin kept playing in her mind. What happened with Liam's fiancé why had he been so upset?

Her eyes fell onto someone sitting on the floor his head hidden in his knees, she could tell by the blonde hair it was Justin. He was crying, he was upset over what had happened. Alex took a deep breath and walked over to him hoping to figure out some of the questions swimming around in her mind.

"Justin?" she asked as she sat down next to him, "What's going on?"

"Ask him." Justin said looking up glaring at her

"That's just it he has no idea." Alex told him, "Why are you so upset?"

"He has no idea?" Brian asked, almost yelled, "No idea? After everything he has no idea?"

"Everything?"

"Everything we've been through." Justin shook his head, "All those years and he just acts like they never happened."

Alex's heart fell what was Justin talking about, years? "Where you two friends?" she asked it felt like her heart was going to jump right out of her chest.

"Friends?" Justin shook his head, "That's what he told you?"

"He didn't tell me anything." Alex told Justin.

"Figures." He growled

"I don't understand." She told him frowning.

"This isn't worth it." He brushed the tears away from his eyes, "He isn't worth it."

"Justin don't go." Alex said placing her hand on his arm, "Tell me everything let me know what's going on." Tears filled her eyes, "You know him don't you?"

"I love him." Justin told he.

"My husband?" she asked

"I don't understand how that even happened." Justin said looking at her, "or why? Why would he marry you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked almost insulted.

"You aren't his type." He told her, "not even close."

"Because I'm not blonde?" she asked she had realized long ago that Brian liked blondes.

"Because you're a girl." Justin looked her over, "Never once have I known him to find a woman attractive or worth marrying. The only woman he offered to fuck was Lindsey."

Alex wasn't sure what to say, was Justin implying Brian had once been gay? Had he played around with the idea when he was younger? "What? Brian isn't gay he isn't."

"He's the gayest man I know, he's fucked every man on Liberty Avenue." Justin told her, "He's probably fucked Graham."

"No." she shook her head, "That isn't-" she paused, "It's not-"

Justin opened up his wallet and pulled a picture out, it was of Justin only eighteen years old and Brian standing behind him holding him close. "We were in love, even though Brian never wanted to admit it."

Alex took the picture, the man in the picture was Brian without a doubt. "How?" she asked her heart falling as everything she over head at Brian's mother's house seemed to start making sense.

"I don't know what game he's playing, but there is no way Brian loves you." Justin told her, "I'm not trying to be an ass, but now everything Liam has told me about your marriage problems makes sense now."

"That's-" she stopped because Justin continued,

"You said you didn't think your husband wanted to be married anymore, that he felt trapped." He said, "I don't know how in his right mind he would ever get himself into this mess, a wife, two children this isn't him."

"No." she said softly, "because it isn't him, that's what she meant, that is what they were arguing about."

"Huh?" Justin asked looking at her.

"Brian's mother and sister." She replied softly.

"They hate him why are they in his life?" Justin asked.

She frowned, "Him and his mother are close." She paused, "At least that's what she has made."

"Now you are making no sense." Justin told her.

"Brian was in an accident six years ago." Her voice was shaking, "A horrible car accident I don't know to many details he doesn't remember it and all we know is what his mother has told us."

"An accident?" Justin asked.

"In New York a bad car accident." She told him.

Justin felt his heart drop, six years ago Brian had been in New York? Why hadn't he known? Why didn't Brian come and find him?

"He has no memory of his life before the accident, none." She told him looking at the picture then back at Justin. "He's had dreams though, about someone a blonde with what he calls blue grey eyes." Her eyes studied Justin's face he fit the description well. "His mother told him the accident happened with his best friend in the car, Lindsey and their son Gus who both died in the accident. And that was who he kept dreaming about."

"Lindsey and Gus aren't dead." Justin stated, "Both are alive and well."

"I think I over heard something like that just a few hours ago." Alex told him, "None of this made sense or what they were talking about, I didn't understand." She looked at the photo again, "His eyes are so different here, his smile so different."

"Gus thinks his father abandoned him, Lindsey keeps making excuses she never believed he would leave Gus without a word." Just told her has what Alex told him was sinking in, "He can't remember anything?"

"Nothing, his mother informed him about everything that happened in his life, he believed her. Why would a mother lie?" she asked.

"Because she thinks someone being gay is a sin." Justin told her, "I never thought she would go to this extreme."

Alex couldn't stop her self as tears fell, the man who showed through every now and again wasn't her husband, but instead the man he used to be. The old him was trying to fight its way out. "You have to tell him." She whispered.

"What?"

"He has to remember." She said softly as she looked up at Justin, "I love him with all my heart, but he has to know the truth he isn't happy in this life even if he wants to be because he thinks he has to." She shook her head, "This is proof he doesn't belong in his life with me, this proves he's unhappy for a reason."

"I'm sorry." Justin told her then he looked down, "He didn't remember me when he saw me back there."

"He might not fully remember you, but there are times he searches a crowed looking for someone and he never knows who, there are times he looks at me and it's not me he see's." she said softly trying to push away her tears, trying to be strong, "Maybe its you he's been looking for only he doesn't know."

Justin shook his head, "I love Liam." He smiled softly, "This right now, seeing him hurt only made me fall back to what we had, but if he's been like this six years and still doesn't remember me he never will."

"He might." She told him.

"I-" Justin hung his head, "I can't do this, I'm marrying Liam next month, this is the life I've always wanted. Brian was just my first love. He's yours now." Justin told her as he stood up and walked away without saying another word.

"Justin!" she called after him but he ignored her as he went down the flight of stairs. She turned her head to see Graham standing near her his mouth almost touching the floor.

"Brian's gay?" he asked.

"Maybe." She told him, "Maybe."

"I knew it that night in the bar, strait men don't dance like that." Graham smirked, but then frowned as he saw his sister break down and begin to sob. He rushed to her side and held her close as she cried into his shoulder. "It's alright." He said softly, "It will all work out.

* * *

 **AN- So now she knows and Justin knows. What will happen next? Will Justin fight for Brian or will he settle down with Liam and try to forget Brian? Not sure if this is how I wanted it to happen, but this is how it came out. Not sure how I feel about it.**


End file.
